For RuthAnn

Yesterday, at 4:30pm, a beautiful saint of the Lord joined her heavenly Father. My aunt RuthAnn completed her battle with leukemia, which had been going on for over 15 years, and left to her true home in heaven. While in the hospital, during her last days, her greatest desire was to be home and now she eternally is home with Jesus, her first love.
Ruth leaves behind a large number of people mourning her passing, as she brought great light into the lives of those around her and yet we celebrate her reunion with the Lord, whom she faithfully served her whole life. My last several days of bible study have been preparing me for dealing withe the passing of another beloved daughter of Christ, having spent much of my time studying Hebrews 11 and 12, the Psalms and 1 Corinthians 13.

There is a hymn "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" which reads:

O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior, And life more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—For more than conquerors we are!

The words were inspired by Hebrews 12:1-3, where after spending all of chapter 11 reading about great faith in those saints who have gone before us, we are called to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, so we do not grow weary and lose heart. But this song also hearkens to another amazing promise of scripture found in 1 Corinthians 13:12. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known."

Add this to Psalm 12:5-7 "Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy, now I will arise, says the Lord. The words of the Lord are pure words; as silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined 7 times. You O Lord will keep them; You will preserve him from this generation forever."

We are all one day closer to our own passing, whether we have a serious illness that calls that reality to the forefront of our minds, or we live each day in denial of the truth that God alone knows the number of days ordained for our life. We will get every day He intends for us to have, but not a minute more. And when this death comes, for those who call Jesus Christ their Savior and Lord, the true life begins. No longer tied to a dying shell, decaying day by day. No longer surrounded inside and out by the sins of a fallen world. No longer looking dimly towards glory, getting small glances of the Lord we worship.

No - the new life, life eternal, is one that we will know God, seeing Him face to face, living in the light of His glory. This life of affliction and the weight of the needy is not outside of God's redeeming grace. 

I spent some time reflecting last night on the woman RuthAnn was, during her time here on earth. She was such a picture of the light of God's love living through His faithful servant. Her joy (which was never dampened by the deadly disease swimming through her blood) radiated through her in a way which truly gave her a glowing personality. That expression is often used on vivacious, extroverted people. Yet RuthAnn had a quiet radiance, where you felt heard, loved and accepted. You wanted to be near her, because of the warmth that radiated from her. A warm smile. A genuine laugh and love of life. An attitude of graciousness and thanksgiving for each moment God had given her - seeing her daughter, and granddaughter and great-grandson continue in the faith.

What does a true life of faith look like? It looks like a woman whose reality should have been crushing and despairing - spending years asking why me or complaining about the constant illness and pain. But a life of faith is so centered on Christ, that the shadow of sin and death had no place in her. This life does not come from her own strength. Leukemia weakens the body daily, until there is no longer strength to live. But RuthAnn's strength came from our eternal Savior. He has already conquered sin and death and hell. Her "battle" against cancer was won before it began - because her heart was already held in the hands of the One that had saved her.

That passage in 1 Cor 13:12 which reads "now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just I have been fully known", I believe refers to two types of knowledge. Obviously, we will know Jesus in a whole new way. 1 John 3:2 says "Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not yet appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is." Both of these passages speak to a fascinating truth. Not only will we know the Lord better, as we see Him face to face, but we will know ourselves better too. We will see what we were meant to be. 

Psalm 139:16 says "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."

God created us, He ordained our days, our purpose and His design was to recreate us in His image - not just as we are here on earth, but remade like Him. We don't know our true potential. We don't know all God made us to be. We live seeing things in hindsight, perpetually amazed by what God has done in and through us. We are all like King David, saying "Who am I God, and what is my house that You have brought me this far?" (2 Sam 7:18) But we can only see ourselves in this life, with the baggage from our past, our daily failures and shortcomings and our worlds surrounded by sin and death. We daily decay. Yet God doesn't see us this way. God sees the beloved son and daughter whom He is calling home, to eternally live in the light of His glory and grace. As we turn our eyes towards Jesus, we leave behind those encumbrances of this life and see glimpses of the potential that comes from living with the Holy Spirit, making us new day by day. Our mortal shell gets closer to death and yet simultaneously an eternal life is ever approaching. 

RuthAnn now knows her Jesus in a way she never knew before. And she now sees herself, free from cancer, free from sin, free from death and into life. O glorious day!

Unashamed

Unashamed: not ashamed, being without guilt, self consciousness or doubt (Merriam-Webster, online dictionary)

I've been hanging out in Hebrews 11 for weeks now, because I simply can't leave it. It's been speaking to me in such sweet tones that anytime I even consider plowing through the chapter to move on, I slow down to a crawl and meditate on these familiar words. I read the passage, a section at a time, mouthing each word as I read and writing them down in my journal. There is a compelling picture of faith of our forefathers that won't let go. The hymn "Faith of our Fathers" begins, "Faith of our fathers living still, in spite of dungeon, fire and sword. Oh how our hearts beat high with joy, when e'er we hear that glorious Word!". It's true - our hearts are filled with joy when we read of these stories of faith. 

My all-time favorite movie is the Two Towers (love the book as well, of course!) and my favorite scene is toward the end with SamWise Gamgee talking to Frodo about the quest they are one. He says, "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

There is something about the story of these heroes of the faith that "died in faith, without receiving the promises" (Heb 11:13a) that keeps us reading. The hymn above echos Hebrews 11:37-38 which reads "They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground." We read these words and we know what they were holding on to - the Lord. Their faith in the Lord kept them firm in spite of all of their trials, "having confessed they were strangers and exiles on the earth" (Heb 11:13c). They viewed themselves as travelers, passing through the world on their way home to a lasting city that God was preparing. And God's response to their faith is beautiful: "Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God" (Heb 11:16b)

God, Creator of heaven and earth, is not ashamed to call us His own. Psalm 149:4 says "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation." These destitute, desert-wandering, cave-dwelling outcasts of this world are beautified in salvation through Christ. Isaiah 61:10 says "I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." These who seemed to have the least in this world are wrapped in a robe of righteousness by Christ. He is not ashamed of us. But how often are we ashamed of Him? How often, do we, like Peter, deny our following Him? How often do we stay quiet, politically correct or even take credit for His work in our lives? 

Hosea paints a terrible picture of the fall of God's chosen people of Israel, that I think is just as dangerous for today's Christian, especially here in the materialistic culture that glorifies the "self-made-man". Hosea 13:4-6 reads, "Yet I have been the Lord your God since the land of Egypt; and you were not to know any god except Me. For there is no savior besides Me. I cared for you in the wilderness, in the land of drought. As they had their pasture, they became satisfied. And being satisfied, their heart became proud; therefore they forgot Me." If this doesn't terrify you, I don't know what will, because this terrifies me. We live in a nation where comfort is king and living a life that makes you happy is considered success. Missionaries from other nations are coming to America, to witness to this culture that has watered life down to money, stuff and the path of least resistance. Close to 17% of American's don't affiliate themselves with any faith (or agnostic or atheist). A number that is doubled what research found a few years ago. People don't label themselves because the see it as being irrelevant to their lives. They don't have particularly strong feelings about faith or God or religion because is simply doesn't impact them at all. Having the boldness to say out loud, "I am a follower of Christ" is extremely counter cultural, because we live in a culture that says you shouldn't follow anything except your current impulse. You should only do whatever makes you happy in this moment. As a culture we have become satisfied and proud and have forgotten God. 

In today's world we are losing the stories of old where people counted themselves as strangers to the world, traveling whatever road Christ called them to, considering themselves the momentary affliction of this world, t pale in comparison to the eternal weight of glory. (2 Cor 4:17)  We live in a land of pride, that wants to glorify man, where God calls us to humble ourselves, that He may glorify us at the appointed time. (1 Pet 5:6) 

It's the little things, isn't it, that get us day to day. The moments we wonder what someone else will think if we choose to follow God's will or we glorify His name instead of our own. It's the daily process of dying to ourselves, that He might live more in us, that allows us to live unashamed. Without doubt and certainly not self-conscious. Does anyone else feel like everyone in the room gets quiet when you pray before your meal in the lunchroom? Does anyone else fail to mention how God directs our steps, instead of careful or logical decision making? Does anyone else tone down there excitement in secular settings when you feel God moving in your life, but shout it from the rooftops at your church? Does anyone else have two patterns of speech? (Like saying at church "The Lord really blessed me in....", whereas at work you say "I was really lucky when....") 

It's the little ways we deny Him that give me pause this morning. In Acts 7, Stephen wasn't martyred until after his sermon. It was his sharing the faith that led to the persecution. If he had just stayed quiet, he might have returned home that evening to his family or friends. But instead, he spoke, full of the Spirit, unashamed. And he returned to his true home, his heavenly home, welcomed by his Heavenly Father. Quietly blending in and passing through this world, as a citizen of this time and this place, may seem like the path of least resistance. But it will not bring glory to God. Singing His praise. Living for His kingdom. Following His will. It may seem strange to the world around us, but then again, we are strangers to this world. We journey homeward, to our Heavenly Father, who welcome us as His own. I want to live a life that captivates an audience - that has them asking "why" and "how" and "can I come too". I want to live a life that glorifies His name. Let me be forgotten - remember instead His work in and through me.