As a parent, I am beginning to believe that our primary purpose is to reflect the character of God in a tangible, physical way they can relate to, so as they learn to personally accept God as their Heavenly Father and Christ as their Savior and King, they have a picture of what that looks like.
I don't think there is any subject I think more about than my role as a mother. I'm the only mother they have and these children were formed inside me. I felt them grow. Thanks to technology, I watched them grow and could hear their beating hearts before they even entered the world. There are many books written on parenting and I actually began to feel oppressed by all the actions I wasn't doing. There was always more time that could have been spent with them. There was always an opportunity to do more for them. Was I teaching them enough? Did I love them enough? Was I instructing them properly for them to become mature Christians with a heart that follows the Lord? Was I protecting them from sex and drugs and countless other temptations that will be presented to them over the years? There was a crushing sense that I could never do enough.
Over the past month, I had listened to two very different speakers talking about child-rearing on two very hot topics. Sex and service. After the sex lecture, I realized my total inadequacy as a parent and wanted to lock my children away for the rest of the world. After the service lecture, I realized my total inadequacy as a parent and wanted to get them out into the world, serving as Christ had served. The only thing I knew for sure was that no matter what the situation, I was totally inadequate.
There is great truth in this. Was Mary ready to mother the Christ? Was Hannah ready to mother Samuel and watch the reign of the kings of Israel begin? God knows we are inadequate. His plan includes our weakness, knowing that His purpose will never be thwarted. (Isaiah 5:1-7, Isaiah 14:27, Isaiah 46:11) Matthew documents the genealogy of Jesus and included are Jacob (who stole his father's blessing), Rahab (a prostitute), Ruth (a foreigner outside the Israelite people), and Bathsheba (an adulteress). All of us are flawed and yet God is telling a story through His people. The funny thing, is that "His people" often don't look the way we expect them to. Christ Himself was born in a stable to a woman of questionable reputation and dies on the cross between criminals.
So the first question is - why do I feel like it is all on me to do this successfully?
The second question is - do I know what success looks like?
The Word of God can answer both of these questions. The Bible is my source of wisdom and the source of truth. There I find His strength and encouragement and His promise to be faithful. The Bible is also my source to see what God has called me to in motherhood.
Some basic notes: Ephesians 5 and 6 interestingly enough does not have a command to mothers. God commands wives to subject themselves to their husbands, husbands to love their wives, children to honor their mother and father and fathers to not provoke their children to anger. Nothing to mothers. I believe this is because it was said in one sentence. "Wives be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." Then children are told to "obey their parents in the Lord". What is my command as a mother? To give my children an example of honoring and respecting their father. To model obedience to God through submission to my husband. How will they obey and respect their father if I do not? This point is so crucial to family relations, that Collosians 4:18-25 echos the same theme almost verbatim.
When Mary is visited by the angel, her response is "Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be unto me according to your word." (Luke 1:38) Her song (or magnificat) again states "the humble state of His bondslave". She doesn't ask for parenting tips for rearing the Lord Most High. She humbly calls herself His bondslave.
Hannah, when she delivers Samuel to the temple as she promised calls him "dedicated to the Lord" (1 Sam 1:28).
Finally, that description of a worthy woman given in Proverbs 31 again shows the role of a woman. It begins with a description of her as a wife, then her industriousness in her household. Then this amazing description is given "Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future. She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." (Prov 31:25-26). All that is noted about her children is that they "rise up and bless her".
Who is the mother portrayed in the bible? She is the same as any godly women, whose focus is on the Lord. When we focus on the Lord and emulate Him, we are parenting our children in the way God desires. I don't need to read a million books on child rearing. They may have some helpful tips, but my true book on child rearing is the Bible. My true guide in motherhood and all aspects of life is God's word.
Can I do everything right? Of course not! But I trust in God's faithfulness, knowing that if I am following Him and pursuing Him above all, my children will see it. They will learn from it. They will emulate it. If I can be an example of Christ to my children, while openly leaning on Him for all things, then my children have been taught. If I teach my children God's Word and encourage them to grow in Him, then I have been a successful mom. And if I have the fruit of the Spirit working in my life, then I will be patient, kind, gracious, loving, and good to my children.
How liberating that is to know!
As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Joshua 24:15
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
The Sounds of Silence
Mercy Me has a song, "Word of God Speak" with this as it's first verse:
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
For those of you who know me, imagining me being quiet may be difficult or even laughable. This past weekend at a marriage conference, I was reminded of the "Words of Silence". As part of tangible ways to show respect for your husband, Family Life ministry includes this amazing concept of "words of silence", which are rated as high as "words of gratitude" and "words of praise".
You don't have to travel far in scripture to find cautionary words against speaking unnecessarily. Proverbs is FULL of scripture descriptions of foolish men and the love of the sound of their voice. Prov 29:20 "Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him." In Nave's Topical Bible, there six pages of references contrasting the wisdom and folly in speech and their consequences. James is one of the most powerful statement to Christians and their speech:
"So also the tongue is a small part of the body and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue, is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set amoung our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." James 3:5-6
He goes on to say how we both bless the Lord and curse men with the same mouth.
Yes, there is much power in silence. To listen to the Lord and wait for His voice - this above all, is a worthy pursuit. Psalm 73:23-24 say, "Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel, You will guide me and afterward receive me to glory." and Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His Word do I hope."
So why is silence so hard? Both with God and with people, my pride and my insecurity get in the way. With the Lord, I am too busy telling Him what I think I need to be instructed on how to find what I ACTUALLY need. With people, my pride says my opinions and contributions are too valuable to be left to silence. My insecurity wonders if I don't speak up, will people forget that I'm there? Will I find myself replaceable? So I speak - often - with emphatic tones and persuasive arguments. I speak when nothing needs be said. This is so frequent, that when David and I were driving home from the conference, he described how he was going to do something. Normally, I would have quickly told him how I would do it (which was to do it differently) and possibly insinuated that the way he was doing it was wrong. In an effort to be silent, I just nodded and went "mmm". David was so taken back that he looked to see if I was angry. And I said "Words of silence. You and I do things differently, but there is nothing wrong with your plan and there is no need for me to tell you how I would do it instead." He paused and said "This is going to take some getting used to." What a difficult thing to hear...that my husband is going to have to adjust to me not commenting on all the minutia that doesn't really require a response. But maybe that's something else I can be doing in my silence - I can be listening. Really listening.
There is a flip side here. The Lord has created us all differently and with all different gifts. He has done this for the sake of His kingdom and for His glory. (Ephesians 4:11-12) And speaking can be done in incredible ways. Let's just start with the fruit of the spirit. Many of those can be done through speech "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". (Gal 5:22-23) In 2 Cor. 2:3-7, we are called to be servants of God "in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God." In Pslam 66:1-2 "Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; Sing the glory of His name; Make His praise glorious." As mother's we are called to instruct our children (Proverbs 1:8, 6:20) The worthy woman of Proverbs 31:26 "opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." In Titus 2:3 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not mallisous gossips nor ensalved to much wine, teaching them what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and love their children, to be sinsible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the work of God will not be dishonored."
If I spoke praise to the Lord, encouragement to my husband, wisdom to my children, lovingkindness to my friends and family - oh what a blessing I could make of this tongue the Lord has given me. If I was only to speak in this way, what room would be left for prideful or arrogant speech? When would there be time to be critical or discouraging? This isn't going to come easily, but with the Holy Spirit indwelling me, I can trust in His power, despite my own weakness.
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say
For those of you who know me, imagining me being quiet may be difficult or even laughable. This past weekend at a marriage conference, I was reminded of the "Words of Silence". As part of tangible ways to show respect for your husband, Family Life ministry includes this amazing concept of "words of silence", which are rated as high as "words of gratitude" and "words of praise".
You don't have to travel far in scripture to find cautionary words against speaking unnecessarily. Proverbs is FULL of scripture descriptions of foolish men and the love of the sound of their voice. Prov 29:20 "Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him." In Nave's Topical Bible, there six pages of references contrasting the wisdom and folly in speech and their consequences. James is one of the most powerful statement to Christians and their speech:
"So also the tongue is a small part of the body and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue, is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set amoung our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." James 3:5-6
He goes on to say how we both bless the Lord and curse men with the same mouth.
Yes, there is much power in silence. To listen to the Lord and wait for His voice - this above all, is a worthy pursuit. Psalm 73:23-24 say, "Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel, You will guide me and afterward receive me to glory." and Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His Word do I hope."
So why is silence so hard? Both with God and with people, my pride and my insecurity get in the way. With the Lord, I am too busy telling Him what I think I need to be instructed on how to find what I ACTUALLY need. With people, my pride says my opinions and contributions are too valuable to be left to silence. My insecurity wonders if I don't speak up, will people forget that I'm there? Will I find myself replaceable? So I speak - often - with emphatic tones and persuasive arguments. I speak when nothing needs be said. This is so frequent, that when David and I were driving home from the conference, he described how he was going to do something. Normally, I would have quickly told him how I would do it (which was to do it differently) and possibly insinuated that the way he was doing it was wrong. In an effort to be silent, I just nodded and went "mmm". David was so taken back that he looked to see if I was angry. And I said "Words of silence. You and I do things differently, but there is nothing wrong with your plan and there is no need for me to tell you how I would do it instead." He paused and said "This is going to take some getting used to." What a difficult thing to hear...that my husband is going to have to adjust to me not commenting on all the minutia that doesn't really require a response. But maybe that's something else I can be doing in my silence - I can be listening. Really listening.
There is a flip side here. The Lord has created us all differently and with all different gifts. He has done this for the sake of His kingdom and for His glory. (Ephesians 4:11-12) And speaking can be done in incredible ways. Let's just start with the fruit of the spirit. Many of those can be done through speech "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". (Gal 5:22-23) In 2 Cor. 2:3-7, we are called to be servants of God "in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God." In Pslam 66:1-2 "Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; Sing the glory of His name; Make His praise glorious." As mother's we are called to instruct our children (Proverbs 1:8, 6:20) The worthy woman of Proverbs 31:26 "opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." In Titus 2:3 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not mallisous gossips nor ensalved to much wine, teaching them what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and love their children, to be sinsible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the work of God will not be dishonored."
If I spoke praise to the Lord, encouragement to my husband, wisdom to my children, lovingkindness to my friends and family - oh what a blessing I could make of this tongue the Lord has given me. If I was only to speak in this way, what room would be left for prideful or arrogant speech? When would there be time to be critical or discouraging? This isn't going to come easily, but with the Holy Spirit indwelling me, I can trust in His power, despite my own weakness.
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