The Storyteller

God has long wanted us to see His great love for us. Scripture, His holy word, is the primary way we learn about Him, as the Holy Spirit stirs in us to not just read His word, but be deeply convicted, encouraged, and learn more about who He is and what He has done. This past weekend, I was re-convicted on my need to be surrounding myself in the Word throughout my day and in as many forms as possible. I should be reading it, memorizing it, quoting it, listening to it, singing it and sharing it with others. In fact, there are a lot more verses about being vocal in our worship, than their are about being "quiet", despite the popular name for personal bible studying being called a "quiet time". "Sing", "shout" and "rejoice" are used 347 times in scripture, while "quiet" and "still" are only used 32 times in all of scripture in reference to our posture before God. I'm not saying that we don't need time of quiet and stillness before the Lord. In our day and age of constant communication and distraction, I think we need it now more than ever. But living out our worship of God is something that calls us to rejoice and overflow with our love for the Lord in a way that entices others to see why there is a fire inside of us. There is a great old hymn, "I Love to Tell the Story", that beautifully walks through our desire to tell the story to ourselves, to those who haven't heard and to rejoice in it with other believers. The refrain points to heaven, where we spend eternity praising God for His greatness. Read these lyrics below and think about how that would look in our day to day lives.


I love to tell the story of unseen things above, of Jesus and his glory, of Jesus and his love. I love to tell the story, because I know 'tis true; it satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.  

I love to tell the story; more wonderful it seems, than all ,the golden fancies, of all our golden dreams. I love to tell the story, it did so much for me; and that is just the reason I tell it now to thee.  

I love to tell the story;'tis pleasant to repeat, what seems, each time I tell it, more wonderfully sweet.  I love to tell the story, for some have never heard the message of salvation from God's own holy Word.  

I love to tell the story, for those who know it best seem hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest.  And when, in scenes of glory, I sing the new, new song, 'twill be the old, old story that I have loved so long.

Refrain: I love to tell the story. Twill be my theme in glory. To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

Yesterday in my quiet time in Hosea, Psalms and Hebrews, I saw an amazing story form. I started in Hosea 2, where God describes how Israel has been a harlot, pursuing other things and other gods. The people of God were more enticed by what they could see, and touch, and hold, than the glory of God that had led them out of Egypt, through the wilderness and into the promise land. The book is written right before they go into captivity, at one of the lowest points in Israel's history, where they have been warned again and again but  continue to worship idols and live like the pagan people around them. Psalm 132 is a Psalm of Ascents - the author calling to the Lord to be faithful to the covenant promise He made to David. But as we read in Hebrews 7 and 8, Israel was not faithful to the Lord. We couldn't keep the covenant on our own. It failed, not because of God letting us go, but rather because of our running away from Him.

But the story continues in a way that no one would ever imagine. God sees us for who we really are - stained with sin and guilt - and promises a new solution. Later in Hosea 2, God promises His people (and even the people outside of the nation of Israel) a new covenant where we are His bride. He comes to us in compassion and eternal lovingkindess and brings us to Himself. How??? How can this be??? Only through the blood of Christ. The promise to David was not to be fulfilled by our obedience, but by Christ's perfect life and sacrificial death. Christ is the only answer. He pursues us at infinite cost to Himself and makes us His own. It truly is amazing grace. The great hymn "And Can it Be" says "And can it be, that I should gain an interest in my Saviors blood. Died He for me, who caused His pain, for me, who Him to death pursued. Amazing love, how can it be, that Thou my God, shouldst die for me"

We ran from Him. And when He came to earth, we called for His death. But He pursued us; through death and hell, He pursued us. There is no greater story. Learn it. Live it. Share it with the world.

The non-anniversary and fear

Today is September 14th and should mark the last day of my grandmother's cancer treatment. Instead, we are eight weeks into the process and only have four weeks of treatment completed. Three weeks ago Tuesday, Nana was moved to the hospital with a fever and seemingly perpetual vomiting. We have since found out she had a large ulcer just below her stomach that I am sure was inflaming the vomiting. The lack of nutrition and strength remains a factor that made what we thought would be a quick hospital trip into nearly a month of delays, questions, downward spirals and small improvements. She is now at Kindred, a beautiful rehab facility, stable but silent and Monday we will speak to the oncologist to find out next steps.

September 14th was a date we were counting down to and it looks very different than we ever imagined. It is hard not to feel defeated in a small way. It is harder still to ignore the reality that we are not in charge and this process will not submit to our schedule and preconceived ideas. 

For me, there is a difficulty where my faith is being tested and tried and I find myself lacking. 1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."  Why am I fearful of the future if I am being perfected in love? Why do I associated difficulty with punishment, like Job's friends, instead of knowing that God is perfecting my faith? "And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:4) 

Last night Mom and I were on the phone, talking about the very real difficulty we experience processing this stage of our lives. We are so limited in our perspective and cannot yet see how God is using this to our good and for His glory. But His nature, eternal and unchanging, means that He has already gone before us, is on the other side, and walks each step beside us in His perfect love. Our minds cannot comprehend how He is truly timeless and limitless, but I have seen it in these past 3 months. From the very first trip to the hospital till our non-anniversary today, I have seen how God is personally comforting, encouraging, growing and meeting all of our individual needs in a very personal way. Yet, He remains over all things, Creator and upholding all things by the word of His power. (Hebrews 1:3) I cannot comprehend this infinite and personal God, as in my own tiny sphere, I have lost track of areas of my life, lost contact with friends and felt pulled in so many different directions. If I can't keep my little piece of the world turning, how can God keep all of our lives so perfectly in His hand? I don't know how He does it - but I am absolutely confident that He is actively doing it - with the power of the Almighty Creator and the love of our Eternal Father. 

September 14th will not mark the end of Nana's cancer treatment. But it is another day the Lord has given us all to experience His sufficiency. It is another day to choose to believe Him instead of the lies in my head and heart. It is another day to cast of fear and be surrounded by His love. 

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

Musings

I haven't been writing as much here lately because I have been focusing much of my time on my grandmother's Caringbridge blog. I don't mind writing the other blog at all, but I have some musings in my head that just feel like they need to get out.
Much of my thoughts have been circling around core lies and their impact. I find that somehow we have adopted lies that have such a great hold on our hearts and minds that we no longer hear them as lies, but rather as truth. For example, the other day I was driving around with my children and in a very odd turn of events, the boys decide they no longer want treats except on special occasions. This decision is quick and easy and seemingly firm, as they decide I don't need to buy them dessert for their lunches that week. My first reaction is amazement. Not because the 8 year old twins don't want treats, but because I have wrestled with my own self control issues involving treats my whole life and my boys make it seem so easy. I have a core lie that I wrestle with food. I've done all sorts of diets, read a wonderful book Made to Crave and spoken about this issue with doctors friends and counselors. I believe I have an issue with food. But this is a lie. Food is an inanimate object with no power. It can't talk to me, no matter how many times I've said "chocolate calls out my name" and it has no authority over my life. Core lie.
Another core lie can deal with your appearance, relationships, personal flaws and they give us excuses not to try. For example, if one of my core lies deals with my pride, it is now something out of my control. It becomes my identity. "I wrestle with pride." Now, I have an excuse for any time I am proud. "Well, no surprise there. I do wrestle with pride." I am no longer responsible for the sin but instead have characterized myself with something that is unchangeable till Christ returns.
We are fallen people in a fallen world. There are sins we will wrestle with until we die. But what does Paul say when he talks about his "thorn in his flesh"? He says that through this, he knows Christ is sufficient. He is strong in the Lord, not in himself. (2 Corinthians 12) The point is not to be perfect, but rather to trust in God's strength. He is the one who is perfecting us. Paul also talks about disciplining himself to continually strive to be like Christ. In 1 Corinthians 9, Paul states that he does all things for the glory of God. When Jesus intercedes for the prostitute, He sends the Pharisees away saying that he who is without sin should throw the first stone in John chapter 8. But then He also tells her "go and sin no more". He gives her freedom from condemnation, but also tells her not to sin. At the end of the chapter, He explains to the disciples that anyone who sins is a slave to sin, but He is the truth and once you have the Truth, you are free.
You may not feel like a slave to sin, but there is a place in all of us where we are slaves to our own experiences, a history of failures, rejections and feeling like we are less than what we should be. We hear lies so clearly they become truth and we excuse our behavior and attitudes, comfortable in our familiar sins. But if we hear His voice, if we hear His truth, we are able to move past what we were and truly be free.
My grandmother is sick, but should recover. People who speak to her have this sense that she has given up and that if she truly believes she is going to die, her life may end, even though medically it could have been healed. Is that any different than my lies about self image, pride, or past relationships? Is that any different than if the prostitute, being saved by Jesus, returned to her life of sin?
Jesus wants to be our strength in our weakness but He also wants us to be more like him. He loves us too much to leave us as we are. Are we too stubborn to be like Him?