I will leave my job, which has consumed me at the end of this month and yet I wonder if I am ready to empty myself of my identity. Am I ready to be empty and need to be filled by something outside of myself? We often think that we are so supple to the Lord's leading. We like to imagine ourselves as pliable in His hands and just waiting to hear His call. Yet we are so slow to follow in a way that doesn't make sense to us or to our world. We are so slow to make the leap of faith but then complain for not experiencing the "walking on water" type experience. How do we see that step out of the boat onto the waves? If we are honest, it seems crazy. We think that it wouldn't be wise. We know that God has given us good sense in our ability to think and reason. And we quickly explain away the need for miraculous faith - to follow Him into the place where only He can save.
If we are honest, our whole life - each breath - each moment - is a miracle and only from His hand. But we live with this duality of wanting to live by faith and have everything laid out in front of us with time enough to adjust and plan and prepare in our own ways.
Hebrews 11:1 leaves us no room for rationalizing our thought process. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." We are left no ambiguity here - faith is our posture in the midst of the unseen - not the things perfectly planned before us. Faith is not praying that God agrees with our five year plan. Faith is accepting His plan for us with joy, having confidence in who He is - not our circumstances.
So my big act of faith is believing that The Lord is in this plan and goes before me in all that I do - regardless of what I see. My big act of faith is abandoning who I have been for who He wants me to be. We will wait and see what happens!
