Where is your front line?

My son is under considerable spiritual attack right now that manifests itself in some truly scary ways. Ways that are way beyond my scope as a mom. Ways that make me wish his medication was a magic pill that made it all go away. Ways that make me wonder how to keep my other children safe. 

Not shockingly, as the intensity in this grows, I've argued with my husband, freaked out about the simplest tasks and haven't been able to keep a thought in my head for more than about 30 seconds at a time. And then it hit me - I was under attack too. No it didn't look the same as my son, but I was facing a spiritual attack that could be even more devestating than my son's. My son's battle was coming head on and he was bravely facing it as best he could. But mine, mine was a diversion tactic to keep my eyes off the front lines. 

You see, as long as I was paying attention to my argument with David or my mounting pile of grading papers or the laundry room that was overflowing or my piercing headache, I was distracted. But something happened today that brought me back to center. As I read the word and prayed for my son, I realized I needed allies in this battle. I knew I needed my fellow soldiers standing with me, marching to the front line on my son's behalf. I called on my dear sisters in Christ and some family members and after just a few quick texts, I had close to a dozen people praying the same verses for my son. With laser focus I turned my eyes to the Lord and got down on my knees and I could feel His power moving. Not in me - not for me - but for my son. I knew, with complete confidence, that the heavenly hosts were defending my son's heart and mind and that while he was away from me physically, spiritually I knew he was safe.

We are told in Ephesians 6 - 

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.16 In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; 

And then in 1 Peter 5 we are told -

8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

And in Ephesians 3 we hear -

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

God will work through us for His glory. He helps us to closes the mouths of lions, put out the flaming arrows and wages war on the powers of darkness on our behalf. We come with faith. We come with prayer. We come with the power of the Holy Spirit. And we come as a unified body in Christ - one faith, one Lord. We are not alone and He will work in ways we cannot even conceive. But that truth is attacked and twisted and distorted in this world. 

Satan deceives. Satan divides. Satan distracts. The war is won, but the battle rages on until Christ's return and Satan looks to move our eyes from the Lord onto lesser things. 

I don't know all God has for my son, or for me, or for our family. But anything that builds the kingdom puts us in the line of fire for spiritual attack. And the greatest way to slow me down is to have me fighting the windmills of life and ignoring to front line, because if I truly stopped and looked at the front line, I wouldn't even see the battle. I would be too busy staring at my Savior, charging before us on a white steed with a double edged sword. I'd be captivated by my King. And there is nothing more devastating to satans schemes than to be totally captured in the light of our Lord.

I'm back in the battle. On my knees. Surrounded by fellow soldiers. And here, in this place, there is peace. 

Comprehending the incomprehensible

As I'm writing this post on my cell phone, I can assure you it won't be very long. But this morning I have confronted yet another truth about myself as I see Him more and more clearly. 

Ready? Here it is - I don't know what to do with a love as big as God's love for me. His real love for me is so much bigger than I can understand and that is unnerving to me. I choose to make it smaller, because I get small. I put the restrictions on God's love that my own love experiences because that is easier for my mind to understand - and this is pride. 

David Crowded says in his song, "How He Loves" - "All of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affection is for me". Angie Smith describes Isaiah's encounter with God in similar terms - she writes "He (Isaiah) had gone into the temple to find respite from his sorrow and instead he came face to face with reality much more traumatic than any earthly burden." 

The glorious problem is that even God's love makes me feel small. My burdens, my needs, my imperfect worship - they all are small compared to Him. But, when I release this ant-like arrogance before a holy God, I see a new type of freedom. A love deeper than I can understand is capable of forgiving what I deem unforgivable. It's capable of being patient with my chronic issues with pride and doubt. It's able to love me in the ways I need His love, instead of only the small ways I can understand His love - and that means I can find true healing, true rest, and be truly known. 

We are all called to be undone by Him but He is not undone by me - by my sin, or pain, or weakness. I don't "get it" in my head but I want to experience it with all that is in me! 

Saved for rest

Hebrews 3:14-15 says "For we have become partakers of Christ, if we hold fast the beginning of our assurance firm until the end, while it is said, 'Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as when they provoked me.'"

Angie Smith brings out a beautiful thought in today's If:Equip devotional about this passage that took my breath away. She points out that maybe our hearts become hard as we fail to enter His rest - not the final eternal rest, but the rest He offers in His presence throughout our lives.

Hebrews 4 addresses 2 distinctive types of rest that belong to the people of God. First we see in 4:3 "we who have believed enter the rest, just as He has said." This rest is the rest of justification that immediately is ours, because we are now eternally sealed in Him when we believe.

Second, Heb 4:4 refers to the Sabbath rest God took when He had created all things. This rest is the rest of having the work be completed. This same rest is referred to for us in verse 10, as it says "For the one who has entered His rest has himself rested from his works, as God did from His."

But then the author reiterates in verse 11, "therefore, let us be diligent to enter that rest."

We will not truly know a resting of our works until we are with God in heaven, eternally resting in the glorification of being made new. But, as soon as we are saved, we enter a type of rest that only comes from His presence indwelling our spirits. Our beginning assurance - our saving faith - is the one which says I cannot save myself. I alone am not worthy. I cannot justify my existence through my own actions. My works are not good enough, heart isn't pure enough and life is not holy enough to be made right with God. Christ and Christ alone can save me. That is the good news. That we don't have to do it on our own. The good news is that it isn't up to us. The gospel says that God made the way for us to be made right with Him, even though it cost Him His son.

Our saving rest is not meant to be a one time prayer from which we move on in life to a new type of  self-justification, wrapped up in christian lingo, church activities and making it look like we have it all together. Our saving rest is supposed to be the position of our hearts from now until we are able to enter the eternal glorified rest in heaven with Him.

This doesn't mean we don't do things. In fact, the Israelites were disobedient to the Lords commands causing them to not enter the promise land. Their disbelief hardened their hearts against God and they failed to enter the rest of having a land with milk and honey, but chose to live as nomads in the wilderness. But even in the wilderness, God's presence remained with them. They had a visual sign of His presence but followed their fear instead of rest in their faith.

It is faith and faith alone that saves us - it is faith and faith alone that frees us from our works and allows us to rest in Jesus instead - and it is faith and faith alone that gives us the courage to obey Him, even when it seems like their are giants before us.

Rest is an act of faith, but it is also a gift. To truly enter is rest is a shalom beyond one we could ever experience on our own. Each season in life requires a different balance of resting from work and acts of obedience - but the certainty of God's presence, the gift of His love and the promise of His provision make available to us now a peaceful rest that passes all worldly understanding.

He knows us better than we know ourselves - and He will provide us with just the type of rest we need, if we come to Him with open hearts. Lord, let us rest in You.

Small courage....big impact

Can you see it happening? Revival - it's coming. Not the old church gatherings of hundreds of people singing The Old Rugged Cross. Not tents erected across the midwest with more food than the Golden Corral. This revival is in the hearts of His people, as they boldly turn or return to Him. I see it happening as I read and hear stories of the Lord compelling His people to be brave with small acts of courage in honesty. Honesty about our need. Honesty about our desires. Honesty about our sin. 

Now, I have heard some disapprove of the terms "authentic" and transparent" as term that leads to people trying to "one-up" each other with our sinful lives. They are afraid that we can tend to glorify the sin and not the Savior. Our own sin becomes a place for pride. I get that - I really do. But I am seeing a pure self-forgetfulness of experiencing God's grace. Tim Keller says in his book, The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness, “...the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.” This is evident in thousands (millions?) of lives across the world who are bravely speaking truth about themselves and where God is taking them. They confess their areas of sin and doubt and disbelief to the global church for one purpose only - to spurn others on in the faith. It is the outworking of the Holy Spirit in their lives embracing Ephesians 3:24 by putting "on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and the holiness of truth."

These men and women are willing to put on the new self in the holiness of truth in the company of other believers, for their sake of encouragement. While it is easier to hide the ugly parts under metaphorical (or real) layers of Spanx and baggy sweaters and heavy make-up, that isn't who God created us to be. These brave acts of truth are seen all over scripture, but a few interactions with Jesus pop to mind.

In Mark 2, we see Jesus heal the paralytic who was being lowered through the roof. But first Jesus forgives his sins. Jesus saw a man desperate to be near Him - to experience His healing presence. What were the owners of the house saying? What were the other people thinking about these men willing to tear up someone's roof for the sake of being near Jesus? We don't know - but we do know what the Pharisees thought - Mark 2 says the Pharisees were "reasoning in their hearts" that Jesus was blaspheming. Jesus reads their hearts and confronts them on their judgement. The result - people left glorifying God - amazed by what they had seen.

In Mark 7 (24-30) Jesus heals a child He has never seen or touched because of a Gentile woman who professes such faith and humility, He is moved on her behalf. 

In Mark 9 (14-29) Jesus heals a demon possessed boy, graciously responding to the father's desperate cry of "I do believe, help my unbelief." Not only did the father knew that he had no ability to save his son, he knew he didn't even have enough faith to warrant Jesus' grace. But in that humility, the holiness of Truth prevails. Jesus' love is greater than our doubt.

David confesses his inability to rightly sacrifice for his sin before the Lord in Psalm 51 stating "You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise."

This passage comforts one of the greatest manipulations in our hearts - fear. Fear of what others will think of us. Fear that God will ask us to give more than we want to. Fear that we have a hurt that cannot be healed, a sin that cannot be forgiven, a darkness that cannot be brought to light. Fear that we aren't truly saved. Satan manipulates our fear and failure and flaws so that they become all we see. In this dark place, we fail to see the hand of Jesus outstretched, hearing Him say, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3) 

The kingdom of God is crossing this earth, one changed heart at a time. One freed soul at a time. One bold truth at a time. Hallelujah and amen!

This won't be pretty...

After more than three years of feeling trapped and one dimensional from my job, I was given an amazing gift of time. The Lord directed me to quit my life and begin again, with new levels of freedom, previously unimagined. My plan never would have been this gracious, this generous, this extravagant. I would have asked for so much less.

But from the very moment it all came together, I knew that the Lord was wanting me to do something with this time. I knew He wanted more for me. But what was it? I asked for a word - a sign - a mission. Something to be passionate about that had nothing to do with me. I prayed for His leading and He faithfully gave me His word. He told me to pursue others - to dig deep into them, the way I have desired for people to pursue me. More than "hi" and a smile. More than Facebook stalking. Real pursuit of relationship. He said to me - go give it to others and don't worry about yourself. Let Me meet your needs.

Well, here is where it gets ugly. First, when I start opening myself up to others, I find so many places that I have let myself forget real need; real hurt; and real pain. I am the one who has been surface-y and shallow. But wait..there's more...

In my new found free time, I found that work had left bigger holes than expected. Holes that are meant to be filled by Him. Angie Smith writes in her book, "Chasing God", "Religion is what we build with our own hands when we can't stand to feel like observers. And when in crumbles we blame God." Stepping away from work and my old life showed me how much was built with my own hands. The crumbling process left me feel like I myself was falling apart.

I was experiencing the emptiness of hollow religion in those small gaps in my life outside of work - substituting actions for true substance. It was easier to schedule more tasks than to rest. It was easier to teach than to listen. It was easier to serve than to grow. I was blaming God for not feeling His presence in the midst of all I was doing. But the real issue was my heart, hardened against His Spirit which wanted me to stop working and start listening.

This transition into a new life will not be pretty. Old scars will be uncovered. Strongholds will be confronted. Idols will be smashed and I will have to abandon my throne. Not just for the sake a saying the key words, underlying the seminal Psalms and raising my hands at the right times in worship. No...this has to be deeper. Because that is what this gift was for. It wasn't to provide new places for me to go out, but for Him to pour in to the emptiness of my soul. The amazing part is - He saw my need and met it. He sees my hurt and wants to heal it. I have been running, but all of this time, He has been pursuing me. And now, finally, I can begin the conversation with Him in the stillness and quiet of His presence.

Amazing love, how can it be?