Inventing time

I have been repeatedly humbled as I have learned my limits and seen how little I actually get done compared to what I hope to do. It isn't pretty, but this process has been very freeing as I stop trying to meet unrealistic standards and start simply doing my best. Today, that meant canceling a meeting and taking the day off tomorrow to catch up on other responsibilities. These used to seem like weaknesses to me. This used to be experienced as a failure. But now I feel free. I feel released. 

Our pride is a cage that jails us inside ourselves. We build up our own walls, too tall and too steep for us to ever escape and then we learn we are trapped. It seems too late to do anything but sit in the hole we made. But The Lord doesn't want us to stay trapped. He wants to free us from ourselves. He says in Jeremiah "I know the plans I have for you". What does my day look like when I start by asking Him what His plan is, instead of mine? I can tell you His plan does not set me up for failure, discouragement and exhaustion. Like Jesus tells us in Matthew "My yoke is easy and My burden is light". 

What is the catch? Both verses point to obedience. Freedom comes in obeying. It is counterintuitive to our American sensibilities, but obedience is freeing. We learn that God's plan is wiser and higher than we could ever imagine. We learn that when we take on the yoke of Jesus, He is carrying our burdens - not giving us more. In fact, He is carrying us. 

Romans speaks of living free from sin and death. Many of Pauls letters talk about the freedom of no longer living under the law and tradition. We Americans fall into a similar trap - living according to society, desperate to prove our identity and worth in ourselves and our accomplishments. But that is slavery. That is the trap. 

To live free, we must surrender. Our pride is a master that is never satisfied - there is no sacrifice great enough to meet those needs - even when we give all that we are. But we are called to give our everything to The Lord and He in turn fills us with Himself. He is the only way to be satisfied in this life. And all it takes is letting go of everything else. Simple, but not easy. 

Only by His grace! May you live in His freedom always! 

Countdown to Me

Tomorrow is December 1 and I look at counting down the days until I am turning to a new life. This life has been gifted to me by my Savior because I have finally seen my great need for Him, beyond whatever I could supply. Be it my own hardened heart or His perfect timing, after months of angst feeling like nothing would ever change I am on the precipice of seeing absolutely everything in my life turn around. 

I will leave my job, which has consumed me at the end of this month and yet I wonder if I am ready to empty myself of my identity.  Am I ready to be empty and need to be filled by something outside of myself? We often think that we are so supple to the Lord's leading. We like to imagine ourselves as pliable in His hands and just waiting to hear His call. Yet we are so slow to follow in a way that doesn't make sense to us or to our world. We are so slow to make the leap of faith but then complain for not experiencing the "walking on water" type experience. How do we see that step out of the boat onto the waves? If we are honest, it seems crazy. We think that it wouldn't be wise. We know that God has given us good sense in our ability to think and reason. And we quickly explain away the need for miraculous faith - to follow Him into the place where only He can save. 

If we are honest, our whole life - each breath - each moment - is a miracle and only from His hand. But we live with this duality of wanting to live by faith and have everything laid out in front of us with time enough to adjust and plan and prepare in our own ways. 

Hebrews 11:1 leaves us no room for rationalizing our thought process. "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  We are left no ambiguity here - faith is our posture in the midst of the unseen - not the things perfectly planned before us. Faith is not praying that God agrees with our five year plan. Faith is accepting His plan for us with joy, having confidence in who He is - not our circumstances. 

So my big act of faith is believing that The Lord is in this plan and goes before me in all that I do - regardless of what I see. My big act of faith is abandoning who I have been for who He wants me to be. We will wait and see what happens!