The Sounds of Silence

Mercy Me has a song, "Word of God Speak" with this as it's first verse:
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

For those of you who know me, imagining me being quiet may be difficult or even laughable. This past weekend at a marriage conference, I was reminded of the "Words of Silence". As part of tangible ways to show respect for your husband, Family Life ministry includes this amazing concept of "words of silence", which are rated as high as "words of gratitude" and "words of praise".

You don't have to travel far in scripture to find cautionary words against speaking unnecessarily. Proverbs is FULL of scripture descriptions of foolish men and the love of the sound of their voice. Prov 29:20 "Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him." In Nave's Topical Bible, there six pages of references contrasting the wisdom and folly in speech and their consequences. James is one of the most powerful statement to Christians and their speech:
"So also the tongue is a small part of the body and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue, is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set amoung our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell." James 3:5-6
He goes on to say how we both bless the Lord and curse men with the same mouth.
Yes, there is much power in silence. To listen to the Lord and wait for His voice - this above all, is a worthy pursuit. Psalm 73:23-24 say, "Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You have taken hold of my right hand. With Your counsel, You will guide me and afterward receive me to glory." and Psalm 130:5 "I wait for the Lord, my soul does wait, and in His Word do I hope."
So why is silence so hard? Both with God and with people, my pride and my insecurity get in the way. With the Lord, I am too busy telling Him what I think I need to be instructed on how to find what I ACTUALLY need. With people, my pride says my opinions and contributions are too valuable to be left to silence. My insecurity wonders if I don't speak up, will people forget that I'm there? Will I find myself replaceable? So I speak - often - with emphatic tones and persuasive arguments. I speak when nothing needs be said. This is so frequent, that when David and I were driving home from the conference, he described how he was going to do something. Normally, I would have quickly told him how I would do it (which was to do it differently) and possibly insinuated that the way he was doing it was wrong. In an effort to be silent, I just nodded and went "mmm". David was so taken back that he looked to see if I was angry. And I said "Words of silence. You and I do things differently, but there is nothing wrong with your plan and there is no need for me to tell you how I would do it instead." He paused and said "This is going to take some getting used to." What a difficult thing to hear...that my husband is going to have to adjust to me not commenting on all the minutia that doesn't really require a response. But maybe that's something else I can be doing in my silence - I can be listening. Really listening.

There is a flip side here. The Lord has created us all differently and with all different gifts. He has done this for the sake of His kingdom and for His glory. (Ephesians 4:11-12) And speaking can be done in incredible ways. Let's just start with the fruit of the spirit. Many of those can be done through speech "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control". (Gal 5:22-23) In 2 Cor. 2:3-7, we are called to be servants of God "in purity, in knowledge, in patience, in kindness, in the Holy Spirit, in genuine love, in the word of truth, in the power of God." In Pslam 66:1-2 "Shout joyfully to God, all the earth; Sing the glory of His name; Make His praise glorious." As mother's we are called to instruct our children (Proverbs 1:8, 6:20) The worthy woman of Proverbs 31:26 "opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." In Titus 2:3 "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not mallisous gossips nor ensalved to much wine, teaching them what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands and love their children, to be sinsible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the work of God will not be dishonored."
If I spoke praise to the Lord, encouragement to my husband, wisdom to my children, lovingkindness to my friends and family - oh what a blessing I could make of this tongue the Lord has given me. If I was only to speak in this way, what room would be left for prideful or arrogant speech? When would there be time to be critical or discouraging? This isn't going to come easily, but with the Holy Spirit indwelling me, I can trust in His power, despite my own weakness.