Convicted

The Webster dictionary defines convicted as the following: "1 : to find or prove to be guilty 2 : to convince of error or sinfulness".

This past 48 hours, I have been convicted by the Holy Spirit, convinced of my error and sinfulness.

In John 16, Jesus describes the coming of the Holy Spirit and Christ says that the Holy Spirit "will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgement". But not only this, the Holy Spirit is also said to "guide you into all truth". The word conviction is used in association with the Holy Spirit in two key passages - Hebrews 11:1 "now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." and also in 1 Thesalonians 1:5 "for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction."

What is this conviction? It is God's great grace of sancitfying work that fulfills the wonderful promise of Philipians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." God uses the Holy Spirit to continually make us more like Christ and He does this is an amazing variety of ways.

So here is a list of my path from Saturday afternoon to Monday morning that brought me to the cross, crawling forward on my knees and crying out to my Savior.

1 - Saturday afternoon - going to a kids birthday party when I would much rather be somewhere else. The hostess didn't even recognize me, but there were two friends stranded in this awkward setting of watching a gaggle of screaming children with very little to do but sweat in the hot sun. David and I had hoped to drop the kids and grab lunch together - but instead, we abandoned our lunch plans and entered into the awkwardness and tried to support our friends and the kids at this party. I had to ask myself - how many times does my agenda stand in the way of service?

2 - Sunday morning - I listened to the wise words of an 18 year old girl, describing her lessons in patience and openess to the Lord changing her plans. I was struck by how many times in my life I needed those same lessons. How many times have I complained about God's timing? Or tried to convince Him that my way really had more merit and just possibly He should try my way for once, instead of faithfully guiding me to His? Nearly twice her age, but wrestling with the same simple concepts - that God is good - that His ways are perfect - and that His wisdom is beyond my understanding.

3 - Sunday morning - our pastor had a bit of an untraditional approach to his sermon and I almost tuned out. But I didn't. Instead of letting my mind wander, I listened and heard my need. I heard my tendancy to thinking that I have "arrived" because I lead in some settings. To think that I am no longer a follower - but I've graduated to leader status. Oh my - how can I forget His words? 1 Timothy says so clearly in chapter 1 starting in verse 5 "But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. For some men, straying from these things, have turned aside to fruitless discussion, wanting to be teachers of the Law, even though they do not understand either what they are saying or the matters about which they make confident assertions." or in 2 Timothy 2:15 "Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurarely handling the word of truth." Who am I to think I could rest in my walk and just coast?

4- This morning - in my quiet time this morning I started with Psalm 67 which says "God be gracious to us and bless us and cause His face to shine on us". Let me stop here - because I always do - I love this as a benediction at the end of a service - I feel so loved by the Lord with the idea of His face shining on me. But if you read one more verse you find "That Your way may be known on the earth, Your salvation among all nations." Wow....the point of this warm, fuzzy feeling I get from verse 1 is not about me at all - it's all about Him. It's all for His glory. That He may be known. His love in me is not only for me - but for me to radiate to others. I finished my quiet time with a short passage from C.S. Lewis who writes about the love of friendship - "They can then say, as the blessed souls says in Dante 'Here comes one who will augment our loves.' For in this love 'to divide is not to take away'" This thought capped a two day revelation and brought the conviction of my soul.

The body of Christ is one of the greatest gifts we have as believers - to uplift, encourage, support, exhort. We are friends - brothers and sisters in Christ. Through God's love, with each person that enters our circle, we more fully exhibit the love of Christ. We have more opportunities to serve. We have more opportunities to be the hands and feet of Christ. We have more ability to lead and follow as we all follow Christ. And the only place to go is His word of truth. The Holy Spirit comes as a foretaste of our inheritance and He convicts us of truth - whether we are living it or not. Being called into relationship with those I do not currently name as friends is not an inconvenience, it is my mission field. It is my calling.

We are all leaders - we are all followers - we are all sinners saved by grace and there is no room for pride or boasting or self sufficiency. With Christ as my Savior and Lord, my hands are open to moving in His plan for His glory. There is no coasting - there is no slowing down - there is no backing out - there are just my empty hands, being filled by the hands that were nailed to a cross for me. For my life. For my love.

Paul Baloche wrote an amazing song that sums up my state:
"What can I do but thank you? What can I do but give my life to You, hallelujah, hallelujah. What can I do praise You? Everyday make everything I do a hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah."