Mud and Mire

So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe You'll have Your way
Just have Your way
Just have Your way

- Brit Nicole

Not a lot of scripture for this post or even complete sentences in this post. Somehow I feel like God just met me in the past two days and said "are you listening to yourself?" God's placed me around some people who are in very difficult situations and given me the ability to speak into their lives. Sometimes they listen and sometimes they don't, but I've always felt His Spirit in the words. And now, He says - are you listening?

How do you switch to autopilot without even looking? How do you get distracted from your path without realizing you have even taken a sideways step? Where do all of those things that deplete our energy from His purposes come from?

Just blink - I take my eyes off Him for a second. Then another. Then another. Start sleep walking through my spiritual life and when my eyes open up again, I find myself in a whole different direction or sometimes just sitting beside the road. Once my eyes are off Him, I easily find bright and shiny objects to distract me. I easily find other things to think and feel. Places that, even when they feel awful, feel more gratifying than God because those feelings make me the victim. Those feelings say "You're doing you're best - what more could people want?" or "Look how much you do - isn't that enough" or "No on knows how hard this is for you - if they knew, they wouldn't see you this way."

It's like I have these whispers surrounding me like vapors or ghosts. They cuddle up to my overemotional and narcissistic ego, making excuses for what I do and how I feel. Yet, when speaking to others I am able to speak God's truth and be confident in His character. How gracious and patient our God is! He is willing to allow me to serve Him and will still use me even when I am intentionally pulling away. I don't want to be told "this is an area to grow in"....no I want to be told "you have a right to feel this way - no one can blame you for reacting like that/thinking those things." I want to be left in the mud and mire, rather than being rescued.

Well, no more mud and mire for me! Instead, let me sing of His glory!

Psalm 40:1-3
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
2He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
3He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord.