But I'm a mess too....

I don't usually blog to vent, but tonight I'm just worn. My daughter continues to cry over the most random things, while my greatly troubled son cried all through Good Friday service with tears of joy because he finally understands God's love. So, after holding him while he cries for a good 15 minutes after church, my other son, who has spent the whole day being cheerful and helpful and loving turns into a big crab apple complete with door slams, eye rolling and literally sticking his fingers in his ears while I talk to him.

After another 45 minute talk, prayer and hug session, that son is tucked into bed and I am pooped! I was already exhausted by my own emotional drama with spending all day thinking of my grandmother who loved Easter and whose birthday would be approaching, had she not died a year and a half ago. There I was trying to pour out love and patience which I had already spent on my owns issues. But the Lord, as always, had gone before me - even in my drama.

At the service this evening we spent time in private confession and then wrote a sin down on paper and nailed it to the cross. My sin that the Lord put before me this evening - limits. The way I put limits on myself, my faith and on Him. I carefully mark off the lines I don't want Him to cross and have firmly established lines for those places in my own life where I refuse to step over the line into the uncomfortable and unknown. Limits. Yep - that's the word He gave me.

And what does He do immediately afterward - once again shows me how quick I get to the end of myself. How quickly my limits are pushed and how little I bring to the table. Yes, my kids are all entering those years of hormones and emotions and the fun of discovering what it means to be a more mature person - and I knew it would come. But I guess I thought I wouldn't be a mess anymore. I thought that surely by the time my kids were old enough to start creating their baggage, I would have ditched mine.

No such luck....

Enter once again the cross...

They had their own sins to nail by their own hand and I had mine. We are all on the same road to being more like Christ, just in different places. They have their limits and I have mine. But His love is limitless. His power is boundless. His forgiveness is endless. His mercy is never ceasing. His grace is all sufficient. All sufficient. For their tantrums and for mine.

I am still a mess and the best thing I can do as a parent is point them to the same cross that I so heavily cling to. "How can I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer. But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom."