Its not nothing....

God has put me in a pretty weird place right now. In a near miraculous form, I was removed from an insane workload that had me stressed out and disconnected and physically aching beneath the strain to a downright relaxing combination of part time jobs that added together are still less than half of my prior arrangement. I've lost nearly all of my former structured communities, but continue to dive deeper into relationship with my closely loved friends. I find myself serving individuals rather than causes or projects and have time to engage my kids in silly conversation beyond the functional and logistical aspects of their lives. Like I said - it's weird.

I have been in leadership roles for over 15 years and now have no one to lead, organize or administer. No one reports to me and I rarely report to anyone else. For a professional - that is a strange place to be. I functioned as a professional in my home, at my church and in my community, but that's all gone too. Now I'm the mom making cookies with her kids and grabbing coffee with friends, while working 4 -5 hours each day, not really breaking a sweat or stressing out. I dream about exercise, not the next crisis at work. I wake up wondering what I will do each day - not wondering how it will all get done.
See what I mean? Totally bizarre.

I have viewed this as a gift since it began a few months ago, but now I have noticed my tendency to shrug off this time as being a big blank sheet, without a lot being written. Without the sense of urgency or crisis, my attitude towards each day has started to become a little cavalier as well. Where before I was delighting in my freedom, it's started to feel a little empty.

Now I will be the first to say that this is absolutely where God wants me to be and how He wants me to be living (not perfectly, but confident in the direction) and there is amazing peace in that. Peace that I have prayed for through the last several years. But it doesn't feel significant. When talking to a friend I referenced the unrest I felt having God not ask anything from me in this season.  She replied (in great wisdom) "Do you ever think the season is 'nothing'? Maybe nothing in the sense that we don't have to "do" or "produce" or "contribute". But I think He's always calling us to connect - with Him AND with others."

What I love about this woman (and her comment) is the reflection of God's supremacy and wisdom, paired with compassion. Psalm 119 is FILLED with this. The Psalmist speaks of his own riches, wisdom, company with princes and kings, and worldly blessings - yet it comes back again and again to God's word as true wisdom, true riches, true blessing. The Lord can give great treasure in this world, but nothing exceeds the glory of His presence. I may not have anything asked of me right now in my traditional, productive definition, but I am invited to know Him more and to love Him deeper and to share that with those around me.

It isn't flashy. It isn't glamorous. This new life of mine comes complete with yoga pants and make-up free days. But the season is also filled with time - His time - that He is giving to me to rest, fellowship, pray and meditate in His word. And that's not nothing.