Psalm 106:4 "Remember me, O Lord, in Your favor toward Your people; visit me with Your salvation."
It's a funny idea asking God to remember you. At first glance, you think "here is the God who made the universe and right now holds all things in His hand, but I'm going to ask Him to remember me?" And yet, there is a profound mystery and grace in this request.
I pondered this all day yesterday, unable to write this post because I was feeling quite forgotten. I spent a lot of the day feeling isolated and alone. I felt like I had no one to turn to, because everyone else in my life had circumstances and situations much graver than my own. Could I go to my friend recovering from surgery and say how I felt sluggish and just not up to snuff, but I didn't know why? Could I go to my mom and add to her shoulders already bearing the weight of caring for my grandmother dying of cancer? Could I go to my husband, waiting to hear about his first job after graduating nursing school and complain about my long work days? We all have our limits and I looked at the loved ones, so stretched around me, and just didn't want to add to their burdens.
This word, "remember", appears in some odd places. Like in Genesis 8 when the earth has been covered by the flood for 150 and then God "remembers" Noah and the ark and causes the water to subside. Or in Exodus 2 when the people of Israel have lived in bondage and God "remembers" His covenant with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Does He forget about His people or His promises? Absolutely not! In Isaiah 46 He says "For I am God, and there is no other; I am God and there is no other like Me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things which have not been done, saying 'My purpose will be established and I will accomplish all my good pleasure' Calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of My purpose from a far country. Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it, surely I will do it."
These words help us to remember His infinite might and power. God was not distracted on the other side of the universe and suddenly remembered His people, through whom He was bringing the Savior of all mankind. When scripture says God remembers us, it's like me explaining the point of calculus to my 7 year old. I can give her a general idea of something beyond her comprehension by trying to relate it to things she knows, but she cannot go and find the second derivative of an equation on her own. We can get a picture into the purpose and plan of God in scripture, but by no means have understanding of His greatness and infinite wisdom. When God "remembers" us, scripture gives a picture of an intentional time of waiting that His people endured, during which they felt alone or forgotten or distant from their Lord and Savior. It's an act of humility to say "You are ruling the whole of creation by the word of Your power, and yet for some reason, my insignificant mortal life matters to You as well. There is a galaxy singing Your praises, but You still listen to me when I pray."
The best example I can think of is found in Luke 23 when the dying criminal says to Jesus, while hanging on a cross "Jesus, remember me when You come into Your kingdom!" This cry for mercy is such a moving and desperate statement of faith. The criminal has already confessed his guilt and the justice served by his own death and recognizes Jesus to be the Son of God. He has nothing to offer the King of Kings and Lord of Lords except for his broken heart and public profession of faith. But, as Paul says in Romans 10 "that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation." This dying criminal saw the death of Jesus not as a failed ministry, like all the Pharisees and Roman soldiers - but as a victory and a beginning of His reign on high. Indeed, this criminal confesses his belief in the resurrection of Jesus Christ and Jesus replies "Truly I say to you, today you shall be with Me in paradise."
God understands our feelings of desperation and loneliness. He knows that in the darkest places of our mind, He can feel far away. But praise be to the Lord - that is only a feeling - it isn't truth. He is always with us. When we cry out, Lord, remember me. He kindly answers, "You never were forgotten."
Those people in my life, who I didn't want to burden, all love me and would have gladly been my listening ear. But even more than that, the Maker of heaven and earth, surrounded by the heavenly host singing His praise without end, listened to my cry - and gave me peace.
Cry out to the Lord, He is listening!
Friday, June 28, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
7 times 7 - Practicing Righteousness
Psalm 106:3 "How blessed are those who keep justice, who practice righteousness at all times!"
Wow - this is basically the same as Jesus telling us in Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect."
Practicing righteousness at all times is impossible for us and yet completely necessary. We have to "practice" righteousness. We aren't actually good at it at all. Paul quotes the Psalms in Romans 3 saying "There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, there is none who seeks God."
We humans, in our own power, would avoid God altogether and live out our lives as we saw fit, in our pride and carnal lusts and desires. On the first day, we discussed how this Psalm reviews the way the Israelites lived in a perpetual state of rejecting God and then begging for His salvation when He gave them over to their desires. Paul describes the same sort of situation in Romans 1, when he writes "God gave them over in the lists of their hearts to impurity". After all, this is the truest definition of hell - complete and eternal separation from God. At the end of Revelation, John describes the new Jerusalem, where God Himself will eternally dwell with His people. But anyone outside the salvation of Christ will be eternally separated and in hell.
I'm not trying to be a downer, but this reality is something we tend to forget. We drift towards mediocrity and think that our good enough living is okay. We think that if we are better than the next guy, or at least not worse, than God should be pretty happy with us and we are okay. Even as believers, we rest on the laurels of giving our lives to Christ and then spend most of our days in the comfort of our routines. We don't examine too closely or question too deeply. Just don't rock the boat and it is smooth sailing.
Except for the fact that our fallen nature would never pursue God and His righteousness. We would always choose self interest over justice, left to our own natures. That is why we have to practice righteousness. Not just commit random good acts when we think of it. The Hebrew word gives an image of ongoing action that is continuously done - to do something thoroughly - to accomplish completely.
Paul writes to the Galatians (5:16) "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh." Just a few verses before he says "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not let your freedom turn into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."
These verses give great insight into how we can practice righteousness. If we walk by the Spirit, following the direction of the Lord and living in dependence of His will, than the freedom we have in salvation will lead us to love and serve one another more than we ever could outside of the Holy Spirit. In my own flesh, I am a slave to my pride and my selfishness. But in the freedom of the Spirit, I can love those around me and pursue justice and goodness and peace and all the other fruit of the Spirit.
This idea of practicing righteousness helps us to remember that if we drift into "auto-pilot" mode, we will walk in our own flesh. But if we live in dependence on the Spirit, we will intentionally choose those things that are pleasing to God. We do not bear the weight of perfection. Jesus bore that weight and paid the price of our sin in His death and resurrection. But in my freedom, I can joyfully follow the unobtainable, each day closer to walking the streets of heaven with my Father.
Pray that the Lord would help you practice each day to walk more aligned to His character, through the power of His Spirit, and you will find yourself pursuing justice, practicing righteousness and being downright joyful about it! That is why the one who does these things is called blessed!
How blessed are those who keep justice, who practice righteousness at all times!
Wow - this is basically the same as Jesus telling us in Matthew 5:48 "Be perfect, as your Father in heaven is perfect."
Practicing righteousness at all times is impossible for us and yet completely necessary. We have to "practice" righteousness. We aren't actually good at it at all. Paul quotes the Psalms in Romans 3 saying "There is none righteous, not even one; there is none who understands, there is none who seeks God."
We humans, in our own power, would avoid God altogether and live out our lives as we saw fit, in our pride and carnal lusts and desires. On the first day, we discussed how this Psalm reviews the way the Israelites lived in a perpetual state of rejecting God and then begging for His salvation when He gave them over to their desires. Paul describes the same sort of situation in Romans 1, when he writes "God gave them over in the lists of their hearts to impurity". After all, this is the truest definition of hell - complete and eternal separation from God. At the end of Revelation, John describes the new Jerusalem, where God Himself will eternally dwell with His people. But anyone outside the salvation of Christ will be eternally separated and in hell.
I'm not trying to be a downer, but this reality is something we tend to forget. We drift towards mediocrity and think that our good enough living is okay. We think that if we are better than the next guy, or at least not worse, than God should be pretty happy with us and we are okay. Even as believers, we rest on the laurels of giving our lives to Christ and then spend most of our days in the comfort of our routines. We don't examine too closely or question too deeply. Just don't rock the boat and it is smooth sailing.
Except for the fact that our fallen nature would never pursue God and His righteousness. We would always choose self interest over justice, left to our own natures. That is why we have to practice righteousness. Not just commit random good acts when we think of it. The Hebrew word gives an image of ongoing action that is continuously done - to do something thoroughly - to accomplish completely.
Paul writes to the Galatians (5:16) "But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh." Just a few verses before he says "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not let your freedom turn into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."
These verses give great insight into how we can practice righteousness. If we walk by the Spirit, following the direction of the Lord and living in dependence of His will, than the freedom we have in salvation will lead us to love and serve one another more than we ever could outside of the Holy Spirit. In my own flesh, I am a slave to my pride and my selfishness. But in the freedom of the Spirit, I can love those around me and pursue justice and goodness and peace and all the other fruit of the Spirit.
This idea of practicing righteousness helps us to remember that if we drift into "auto-pilot" mode, we will walk in our own flesh. But if we live in dependence on the Spirit, we will intentionally choose those things that are pleasing to God. We do not bear the weight of perfection. Jesus bore that weight and paid the price of our sin in His death and resurrection. But in my freedom, I can joyfully follow the unobtainable, each day closer to walking the streets of heaven with my Father.
Pray that the Lord would help you practice each day to walk more aligned to His character, through the power of His Spirit, and you will find yourself pursuing justice, practicing righteousness and being downright joyful about it! That is why the one who does these things is called blessed!
How blessed are those who keep justice, who practice righteousness at all times!
7 times 7 - who can speak?
Psalm 106:2 "Who can speak of the mighty deeds of the Lord, or who can show forth all His praise?"
We human beings are a proud group, often thinking we know everything, that all our thoughts and words are fascinating and assume if we are speaking, someone else should be listening with rapt attention. But the glory of the Lord does not usually lead people to praise Him. In fact, seeing just a bit of His glory leads us to tremble, hide or fall to our face. When the Lord visits Mount Sinai for the first time, after the Israelites are led out of Egypt, the people tremble and stand at a distance and tell Moses "do not let God speak to us or we will die". When Isaiah has a vision of the Lord in His temple, he says "Woe is me, for I am ruined!For I am a man of unclean lips." When the angel of the Lord visits Daniel, after revealing in a vision what would happen to his people, Daniel becomes speechless and turns his face to the ground.
But I think the best example is Job, after God has spoken of His glory Job replies "Behold, I am insignificant, what can I reply to You? I lay my hand on my mouth." and later he says "I declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."
One of the most glorious pictures painted of heaven comes from Revelation 4, where the 24 elders who were seated on thrones fall before the Lord and cast their crowns before the throne saying "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things and because of Your will they existed and were created." The hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy" describes it beautifully when it reads "Holy, holy, holy. All the saints adore Thee. Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea. Cherubim and seraphim, falling down before Thee. Who were and art and evermore shall be."
This isn't to say that we shouldn't bother to worship because we are insignificant, but rather that we should always be worshipping because He is worthy! We could never speak fully of all His amazing deeds, because we can't comprehend it. We could never give Him all the praise He deserves, because we are mortal and He is eternal. But if we truly meditate on His greatness, our response is to praise Him with all that is in us. We will give Him everything we are, knowing that it is not enough - but it is all we have. This is the "living sacrifice" we are called to be.
Praise Him with all that is in you!
We human beings are a proud group, often thinking we know everything, that all our thoughts and words are fascinating and assume if we are speaking, someone else should be listening with rapt attention. But the glory of the Lord does not usually lead people to praise Him. In fact, seeing just a bit of His glory leads us to tremble, hide or fall to our face. When the Lord visits Mount Sinai for the first time, after the Israelites are led out of Egypt, the people tremble and stand at a distance and tell Moses "do not let God speak to us or we will die". When Isaiah has a vision of the Lord in His temple, he says "Woe is me, for I am ruined!For I am a man of unclean lips." When the angel of the Lord visits Daniel, after revealing in a vision what would happen to his people, Daniel becomes speechless and turns his face to the ground.
But I think the best example is Job, after God has spoken of His glory Job replies "Behold, I am insignificant, what can I reply to You? I lay my hand on my mouth." and later he says "I declared that which I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."
One of the most glorious pictures painted of heaven comes from Revelation 4, where the 24 elders who were seated on thrones fall before the Lord and cast their crowns before the throne saying "Worthy are You, our Lord and our God, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things and because of Your will they existed and were created." The hymn "Holy, Holy, Holy" describes it beautifully when it reads "Holy, holy, holy. All the saints adore Thee. Casting down their golden crowns around the glassy sea. Cherubim and seraphim, falling down before Thee. Who were and art and evermore shall be."
This isn't to say that we shouldn't bother to worship because we are insignificant, but rather that we should always be worshipping because He is worthy! We could never speak fully of all His amazing deeds, because we can't comprehend it. We could never give Him all the praise He deserves, because we are mortal and He is eternal. But if we truly meditate on His greatness, our response is to praise Him with all that is in us. We will give Him everything we are, knowing that it is not enough - but it is all we have. This is the "living sacrifice" we are called to be.
Praise Him with all that is in you!
Monday, June 24, 2013
7 times 7 - day 2 - time and other funny inventions of God
Psalm 106: 1 "Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever." http://www.esvbible.org/Psalm+106/
Day two of trying to focus on being thankful has me thinking a lot about time. Depending on your phase and stage of life, time can generally seem too fast or too slow. For most of us, it is both at once. It leads to a lot of complaining. We both hate being patient and never feel like we have enough time.
You may know that my grandmother is dying. The past 14 months with her battling cancer have seemed both too fast and too slow. The grueling long days watching her decline run into each other and yet if it were up to us, she would never die. But youth is no different! My daughter counted down to her birthday for an entire year and when the day finally came, she started talking about the next one! I too find myself hating being bored and rushed, while feeling both most days.
Yes, our ideas of time are so schizophrenic I sometimes wonder if we will ever get it right. But God does value time and He does value our seasons. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that "for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven".
I'm not sure my ideas of time are the issue or if it is more about my wisdom in how I use the time I'm given. I don't think it is truly a problem of impatience as much as it is my pride refusing to submit to God's schedule. For 49 days I plan to intentionally look at the gifts of God and I begin with the gift of time. Each moment that passes has a memory and emotion that accompany it. For the happy and the sad, they bring me one step further down the road God has marked for me to travel. For the moments that creep and the moments that fly by, I am one step closer to the eternity of His presence. And that is the first description of His goodness in this Psalm. The Psalmist said "His steadfast love endures forever". The Lord knows our frail and wayward hearts. God knows how wishy-washy we are, wanting both to hold on and let go all at the same time. He knows how impulsive we are - we would ask the hard things to pass too quickly for us to ever learn their lesson and keep the good things going so long that they lose their goodness.
Even now, I want to eat all the chocolate in the world, but never have a stomach ache. I want to run a marathon, but never have to get off the couch. I am a cornucopia of opposing ideas and desires, which would spin me in circles if God actually gave me every fleeting desire of my heart.
But He loves me too much to do that. His love is steadfast, not waxing and waning like my own. His love is eternal, not flippant and circumstantial like me. Oh, He is so good.
Give thank to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!
Day two of trying to focus on being thankful has me thinking a lot about time. Depending on your phase and stage of life, time can generally seem too fast or too slow. For most of us, it is both at once. It leads to a lot of complaining. We both hate being patient and never feel like we have enough time.
You may know that my grandmother is dying. The past 14 months with her battling cancer have seemed both too fast and too slow. The grueling long days watching her decline run into each other and yet if it were up to us, she would never die. But youth is no different! My daughter counted down to her birthday for an entire year and when the day finally came, she started talking about the next one! I too find myself hating being bored and rushed, while feeling both most days.
Yes, our ideas of time are so schizophrenic I sometimes wonder if we will ever get it right. But God does value time and He does value our seasons. Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us that "for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven".
I'm not sure my ideas of time are the issue or if it is more about my wisdom in how I use the time I'm given. I don't think it is truly a problem of impatience as much as it is my pride refusing to submit to God's schedule. For 49 days I plan to intentionally look at the gifts of God and I begin with the gift of time. Each moment that passes has a memory and emotion that accompany it. For the happy and the sad, they bring me one step further down the road God has marked for me to travel. For the moments that creep and the moments that fly by, I am one step closer to the eternity of His presence. And that is the first description of His goodness in this Psalm. The Psalmist said "His steadfast love endures forever". The Lord knows our frail and wayward hearts. God knows how wishy-washy we are, wanting both to hold on and let go all at the same time. He knows how impulsive we are - we would ask the hard things to pass too quickly for us to ever learn their lesson and keep the good things going so long that they lose their goodness.
Even now, I want to eat all the chocolate in the world, but never have a stomach ache. I want to run a marathon, but never have to get off the couch. I am a cornucopia of opposing ideas and desires, which would spin me in circles if God actually gave me every fleeting desire of my heart.
But He loves me too much to do that. His love is steadfast, not waxing and waning like my own. His love is eternal, not flippant and circumstantial like me. Oh, He is so good.
Give thank to the Lord, for He is good, for His steadfast love endures forever!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
7 times 7 - A study of Psalm 106
Day 1 - Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
For the next 49 days I will be exploring the 48 verses of Psalm 106, using the ESV version (http://www.esvbible.org/Psalm+106/). I read a Psalm each day in my quiet time and this past week I hit Psalm 106. It was in the middle of me adjusting to regular life after having been gone on vacation for 9 days straight. You'd think I'd be relaxed and reminiscent of how great the vacation was and thankful for the wonderful experience. You'd think I'd be recounting the blessing of God's provision to be able to afford a terrific cruise with my husband. You'd think I'd be expounding on the amazing relationship with our best friends who came with us and the wonderful memories we share with them. That would make sense.
But in fact, if you read my journal, you would see comments regarding the days immediately following my vacation as being "horrible", "exhausting", "so behind at work", "busy every night", "need another vacation". Then I read Psalm 106 and I was convicted immediately. This Psalm explores the loving-kindness of our great God and Israel's continual rejection and complaining attitude. Aren't we all like that sometimes? Don't we all turn to God and say, what have You done for me lately? Don't we all credit ourselves with the good and blame Him for everything that seems bad or doesn't make sense?
I felt an immediate need to repent and focus my heart on His amazing grace. I felt a call for a focused study of His love and intentional effort in thanksgiving and gratitude. So, in thanks of my 7 days cruise, I am spending 7 times 7 days (a biblical symbol for completion) studying this psalm to address my own heart that so quickly turns from the loving provision of my God and tries to live in my own strength or rejects His plan for my life to follow my own will instead.
We are called that give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. Before any mention of what He has done, we begin with His character. We praise God for WHO He is. There will be a time when Christ returns and the whole world will see Him and worship, regardless of their nation, language, religion, or ethnicity. They will see He is God and that there is no other. They will see He is holy and know their sin. They will see His majesty and understand their insignificance. They will understand His eternal nature and know their mortality. When we all see Jesus - every knee will bow. Just because of who He is. He will still judge and those outside His forgiveness will be banished for all eternity, separated from His glory. But we, who know now - even though it is only in part, we know His character as it is revealed in His word, through His creation and the innate understanding of our souls. We know He is God and we praise Him, because He is worthy of praise.
This idea really sets the tone for the next 48 days, because it is not thanking God for any particular gift, provision, miracle or blessing. We aren't praising God only because we remember His faithfulness to us (although that is important too). We begin praising Him and giving Him thanks just because of who He is. If we simply meditate for a moment on His power and glory and splendor, we cannot help but begin to sing praises.
On the cruise I looked out and saw the ocean, stretching out in this gorgeous color blue, as far as the eye could see. And then I saw the sky, a different shade of blue, nearly cloudless, stretching out to meet the sea. All I could think of was Genesis and the Lord creating the ocean and earth and sky. He spoke it all into being because it pleased Him to do so. This great expanse of blue - beyond a length or height I could measure or even imagine. And He spoke it into being. I began to sing Amazing Grace, just thinking "when we've been there, ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun." It isn't hard to picture praising God for all of eternity, when you take a moment to look at His creation and realize how great He is. And then imagine seeing Him, instead of just looking at His creation, seeing Him - with our own eyes! We praise Him for who He is!
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
For the next 49 days I will be exploring the 48 verses of Psalm 106, using the ESV version (http://www.esvbible.org/Psalm+106/). I read a Psalm each day in my quiet time and this past week I hit Psalm 106. It was in the middle of me adjusting to regular life after having been gone on vacation for 9 days straight. You'd think I'd be relaxed and reminiscent of how great the vacation was and thankful for the wonderful experience. You'd think I'd be recounting the blessing of God's provision to be able to afford a terrific cruise with my husband. You'd think I'd be expounding on the amazing relationship with our best friends who came with us and the wonderful memories we share with them. That would make sense.
But in fact, if you read my journal, you would see comments regarding the days immediately following my vacation as being "horrible", "exhausting", "so behind at work", "busy every night", "need another vacation". Then I read Psalm 106 and I was convicted immediately. This Psalm explores the loving-kindness of our great God and Israel's continual rejection and complaining attitude. Aren't we all like that sometimes? Don't we all turn to God and say, what have You done for me lately? Don't we all credit ourselves with the good and blame Him for everything that seems bad or doesn't make sense?
I felt an immediate need to repent and focus my heart on His amazing grace. I felt a call for a focused study of His love and intentional effort in thanksgiving and gratitude. So, in thanks of my 7 days cruise, I am spending 7 times 7 days (a biblical symbol for completion) studying this psalm to address my own heart that so quickly turns from the loving provision of my God and tries to live in my own strength or rejects His plan for my life to follow my own will instead.
We are called that give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. Before any mention of what He has done, we begin with His character. We praise God for WHO He is. There will be a time when Christ returns and the whole world will see Him and worship, regardless of their nation, language, religion, or ethnicity. They will see He is God and that there is no other. They will see He is holy and know their sin. They will see His majesty and understand their insignificance. They will understand His eternal nature and know their mortality. When we all see Jesus - every knee will bow. Just because of who He is. He will still judge and those outside His forgiveness will be banished for all eternity, separated from His glory. But we, who know now - even though it is only in part, we know His character as it is revealed in His word, through His creation and the innate understanding of our souls. We know He is God and we praise Him, because He is worthy of praise.
This idea really sets the tone for the next 48 days, because it is not thanking God for any particular gift, provision, miracle or blessing. We aren't praising God only because we remember His faithfulness to us (although that is important too). We begin praising Him and giving Him thanks just because of who He is. If we simply meditate for a moment on His power and glory and splendor, we cannot help but begin to sing praises.
On the cruise I looked out and saw the ocean, stretching out in this gorgeous color blue, as far as the eye could see. And then I saw the sky, a different shade of blue, nearly cloudless, stretching out to meet the sea. All I could think of was Genesis and the Lord creating the ocean and earth and sky. He spoke it all into being because it pleased Him to do so. This great expanse of blue - beyond a length or height I could measure or even imagine. And He spoke it into being. I began to sing Amazing Grace, just thinking "when we've been there, ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun. We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we've first begun." It isn't hard to picture praising God for all of eternity, when you take a moment to look at His creation and realize how great He is. And then imagine seeing Him, instead of just looking at His creation, seeing Him - with our own eyes! We praise Him for who He is!
Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Walking with a limp
"Then Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until day break. When he saw that he had not prevailed, he touched the socket of his thigh; so the socket of Jacob's thigh was dislocated while he wrestled with him. Then he said, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking." But he said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." So he said to him, "What is your name?" And he said, "Jacob." He said "Your name shall no longer be Jacob, but Israel; for you have wrestled with God and with men and have prevailed." Then Jacob asked him and said, "Please tell me your name." But he said, "Why is it that you ask my name?" And he blessed him there. So Jacob named the place Peniel, for he said "I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved." Now the sun rose upon him just as he crossed Peniel, and he was limping on his thigh." Genesis 32:24-31
This morning I was reading "Come, Lord Jesus" by Thomas a Kempis, a devotional that our church is using during Lent. Chapter 35, entitled "A Little Sweetness" addresses the quiet whisper of the world saying "You need a little sweetness to help you get through this tough life." It goes on to describe how we use little rewards in our life as comforts and pleasures, when in fact we are keeping ourselves from the depths of God's presence, "the utter sweetness that comes when you are abandoned to God".
I was knocked right between the eyes as I saw a core root of my sin and pride in black and white. If you know me personally, you know that my love language is "gifts" and that my experience and expression of love often best resonates with me when it is in the form of some gift or token or display of affection. I experience people's love for me best when they present me with some tangible item showing they were thinking of me and moved to give me something as an expression of their affection. It could be flowers or chocolates or socks - it really doesn't matter what the item is. Gifts say to me "I saw this, thought of you, and wanted you to have it." I express my love for others this way as well. It may be cooking my kids favorite meal, bringing my mom her favorite Starbucks coffee or buying my husband tickets to the cubs game. Gifts are my way of saying, "I know what you enjoy and I want to increase your pleasure by giving you this." (If you don't know much about the love languages idea, go to: http://www.5lovelanguages.com)
The problem is, this idea of "self-gifting". I am a HUGE self-gifter. I will celebrate myself and comfort myself in disappointment. Actually, I pretty much go through my life asking myself "how can I make this better?". If things have been difficult or stressful, I look to cheer myself up. If things are going well, I see if I can make them even better. My husband and I sit down to a relaxing evening watching a movie together and I say "I have an idea". I jump off the couch, run to the kitchen, whip up a treat and now we have a movie AND a treat. Or I've had a horrible day, so on my way home I console myself by picking up something - maybe a magazine or a movie for distraction, maybe a bottle of wine to share with David over dinner, maybe I get home and make cookies with the kids. Gary Chapman says that the person who thrives on gifts is being shown through gifts "that they are known, cared for and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you." This self gifting is my deeply rooted pride, loving myself, caring for myself and prizing my own comfort.
In the person of Jesus, the sacrifice of His death on the cross said that we were "known and cared for and prized" beyond His own life. This is the gift we truly long for. This is the expression of love that I need to fill the emptiness of my heart. Everyone and everything in life around me will disappoint. My husband, my kids, my family and friends can never love me perfectly. This world cannot ever satisfy my longings, because I was made for heaven and the presence of God.
My "self-gifting" has been an invisible wall between me and a deeper relationship with the Lord. Whether celebrating the good or consoling the bad, my self gifting rejects the perfect gift God has given me in His presence. I am fostering a posture of self-reliance and discontent. I am saying to the Lord "I am not satisfied with what You have given me. I know better." And I am rejecting His plan for my life, measuring the distance between the expectation of my plan and the reality in which I live.
Thomas a Kempis was right on - this small voice is almost too quiet to hear, but it's presence is devastating to cultivating true awareness of God's presence, submission to His will and thankfulness for all He has done. These little gifts, meaningless distractions, continually turn my eyes from God and towards the fleeting treasures of this world.
About a year ago, I was diagnosed with depression and worked really hard to break my negative thought patterns. For this past year, I have been striving to experience God's presence and joy in my life. Despite some really great quiet times and conversations with others, I still felt like I kept hitting a wall in my experience of God. I knew I wasn't joyful. I knew I was wrestling with true submission to His will and with my pride. I just couldn't put my finger on the root of the problem. I tried to deal with the issues I saw in my life, but I couldn't identify the source. After reading this truth, I felt like the scales fell from my eyes and I could truly see the spiritual battle I was facing. I am no longer blind to my enemy, just reacting to his attack. Now, I am on guard and on the offensive - reaching out to destroy all that stands between me and the Lord.
When Jacob wrestled with God, he was blessed. He was made into a great nation and he was blessed with a limp. A permanent reminder to hold onto God and cling to Him. This revelation of my sin is like my own personal limp - a call to remember my frailty and His provision. A call to remember that I am fighting a battle and my own comfort and desires are counted among my enemies.
It is not wrong to make things fun or to enjoy gifts. The sin came from my proud heart, defining what was right for me and making my own adjustments to God's perfect provision. I was telling Him that He wasn't enough. His will wasn't good. I didn't trust Him to satisfy. I wanted to take care of myself. No wonder I felt empty of His presence - I've been turning Him away.
No more....no more settling with temporary trinkets at the cost of eternal glory. No more ungrateful heart to the life He has given me. No more turning my nose down at His gifts, looking for something shiny instead. No more ending each day with my little self-gifts to combat the tough world we live in, choosing small comfort instead of perfect peace.
Instead - I claim the gift of Jesus Christ as my full satisfaction - the perfect solution to this sin-sick world. I claim each day and each breath His good and perfect plan for me, thankful for what has been given. I claim my future to be the road to glory, not just a good-enough tomorrow. And I choose to see my temporary toil in light of the cross at Calvary. The external changes may seem small at first - intentionally closing each day in thanksgiving; stopping myself from those little comforts or rewards - so that I can find my comfort and reward in Him; celebrating Him, instead of me. But I will be running the race set before me with a limp - a limp of dependence. A limp that keeps me clinging and recognizes the blessing and joy from the presence of God.
What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear;
What a privilege to carry, everything to God in prayer.
O what peace we often forfeit, o what needless pain we bear;
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
Psalm 61:2 has this great phrase "lead me to the rock that is higher than I". I read this yesterday in my quiet time and loved the imagery of looking up beyond myself, and climbing this peak where I come to the Lord. In my head I had my own personal Mt. Sinai. It was wonderful moment.
And then the day began and I went through my own personal hills and valleys of encouragement and frustration. I experienced being energized and exhausted - confident and questions. Life was more than the place in my head and by the end of the day it can feel more like I am trying to climb Mt Everest, than simply connect with the Lord.
And then a deeper frustration comes. I find myself wrestling in the same areas I have wrestled for years and the weariness is beyond the daily grind, but a question of whether or not I will ever truly overcome my own flaws and failings. Will I ever really push through this invisible brick wall that has held me back time and time again? The mountain I'm climbing seems to be growing, making my progress actually feel like I am moving backwards. I question if I should be climbing at all. Maybe it would be better to just sit down where I am. Sure, I'm not at the top but I wouldn't have to climb anymore. The weariness could be over. Accept the mountain for what it is and be thankful that when Christ returns, all these mountains will be made low. The crooked will be straight. The rough places plain. (Isaiah 40:4) Can't I just wait for the glory of the Lord?
But these are not the thoughts of one centered on the Lord. Isaiah 26 says "The steadfast mind will You keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock." Paul experienced frustrations. In 2 Corinthians 12 we have an amazing view into Paul's heart and mind as he implores the Lord to remove this "thorn in the flesh", this "messenger of Satan to torment him". God reveals to Paul that the strength found in weakness is stronger than Satan himself. Paul learns that God's great grace had so much more fulfillment than earthly strength.
In Psalm 62, David says "My soul waits in silence for God only; from Him is my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."
My strength is not from myself or anyone else, but God alone. Resting in Him, I can never be shaken, which leads me to ask:
Am I wrestling my weakness or am I really wrestling my pride which doesn't like the idea of being weak?
Is the mountain really growing or is the distance I feel between myself and the Lord the result of my unwillingness to ask Him to come to me?
Could my valleys rise and my hills be brought low, a straight path to the Lord, if I ask Him? Will the One who descended from heaven, into the depths of hell and conquered sin and death for my sake really abandon me in my time of weakness? (Rom 8:37-39) Will the One who "allowed Himself to be tempted in that which He suffered to come to the aid of those who are tempted" reject me in my frailty? (Heb 2:18)
Is the thorn in my flesh not actually something pressing in on the surface, but the very heart inside of me refusing to die to it's selfish pride and ambition?
I rest on the side of the mountain, but not to stop. Rather, I cry out to the Lord, "Carry me, Father. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
And then the day began and I went through my own personal hills and valleys of encouragement and frustration. I experienced being energized and exhausted - confident and questions. Life was more than the place in my head and by the end of the day it can feel more like I am trying to climb Mt Everest, than simply connect with the Lord.
And then a deeper frustration comes. I find myself wrestling in the same areas I have wrestled for years and the weariness is beyond the daily grind, but a question of whether or not I will ever truly overcome my own flaws and failings. Will I ever really push through this invisible brick wall that has held me back time and time again? The mountain I'm climbing seems to be growing, making my progress actually feel like I am moving backwards. I question if I should be climbing at all. Maybe it would be better to just sit down where I am. Sure, I'm not at the top but I wouldn't have to climb anymore. The weariness could be over. Accept the mountain for what it is and be thankful that when Christ returns, all these mountains will be made low. The crooked will be straight. The rough places plain. (Isaiah 40:4) Can't I just wait for the glory of the Lord?
But these are not the thoughts of one centered on the Lord. Isaiah 26 says "The steadfast mind will You keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in God the Lord, we have an everlasting Rock." Paul experienced frustrations. In 2 Corinthians 12 we have an amazing view into Paul's heart and mind as he implores the Lord to remove this "thorn in the flesh", this "messenger of Satan to torment him". God reveals to Paul that the strength found in weakness is stronger than Satan himself. Paul learns that God's great grace had so much more fulfillment than earthly strength.
In Psalm 62, David says "My soul waits in silence for God only; from Him is my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken."
My strength is not from myself or anyone else, but God alone. Resting in Him, I can never be shaken, which leads me to ask:
Am I wrestling my weakness or am I really wrestling my pride which doesn't like the idea of being weak?
Is the mountain really growing or is the distance I feel between myself and the Lord the result of my unwillingness to ask Him to come to me?
Could my valleys rise and my hills be brought low, a straight path to the Lord, if I ask Him? Will the One who descended from heaven, into the depths of hell and conquered sin and death for my sake really abandon me in my time of weakness? (Rom 8:37-39) Will the One who "allowed Himself to be tempted in that which He suffered to come to the aid of those who are tempted" reject me in my frailty? (Heb 2:18)
Is the thorn in my flesh not actually something pressing in on the surface, but the very heart inside of me refusing to die to it's selfish pride and ambition?
I rest on the side of the mountain, but not to stop. Rather, I cry out to the Lord, "Carry me, Father. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
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