Ready? Here it is - I don't know what to do with a love as big as God's love for me. His real love for me is so much bigger than I can understand and that is unnerving to me. I choose to make it smaller, because I get small. I put the restrictions on God's love that my own love experiences because that is easier for my mind to understand - and this is pride.
David Crowded says in his song, "How He Loves" - "All of the sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory. And I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affection is for me". Angie Smith describes Isaiah's encounter with God in similar terms - she writes "He (Isaiah) had gone into the temple to find respite from his sorrow and instead he came face to face with reality much more traumatic than any earthly burden."
The glorious problem is that even God's love makes me feel small. My burdens, my needs, my imperfect worship - they all are small compared to Him. But, when I release this ant-like arrogance before a holy God, I see a new type of freedom. A love deeper than I can understand is capable of forgiving what I deem unforgivable. It's capable of being patient with my chronic issues with pride and doubt. It's able to love me in the ways I need His love, instead of only the small ways I can understand His love - and that means I can find true healing, true rest, and be truly known.
We are all called to be undone by Him but He is not undone by me - by my sin, or pain, or weakness. I don't "get it" in my head but I want to experience it with all that is in me!
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