Yesterday my husband had a bad day at work. Not uncommon for many people, but it is really unusual for him to describe his day as "bad" because he loves his job and sees it as his gifting and ministry. I received a two brief texts during his 12+ hour shift that communicated how busy he was. He didn't get time for lunch and got home after midnight. His last text to me, before he went to bed, told me that he needed to sleep in because he was wasted. It was "a really bad day".
I spent a great part of yesterday praying for him, knowing he was having a rough time at work. His job is mentally, physically and emotionally demanding, surrounded by difficult people in hard situations and facing death on a regular basis. I cannot fathom what "a really bad day" would be. But I knew I needed to be praying. I couldn't be there for him and there was nothing I could bring on his behalf. I had no awareness of what he actually needed or the specific circumstances that were hard. But I knew God was with him. I prayed to the One who intimately new exactly what he needed and had the power to provide strength and grace at the deepest levels. I prayed to the One who could supernaturally intercede on his behalf and who loves him even more than I do.
Prayer changes things - it changed me. Spending this time in prayer took my eyes off myself and my limitations. It took my eyes off the temporary hardships of this world. The more I prayed, the more I thought about the One I was talking to. Praying for David, but talking to God, reframed my powerlessness and lack of awareness of the situation. I didn't pray about what I didn't know - I prayed what I knew and believed whole heartedly - that God not only knew what David needed, but could and would and wanted to provide for him. Sometimes we approach prayer thinking God is holding out on us and we need to beg him for it - that's how I prayed most of the time David was deployed in Iraq....like God could have brought him home sooner but I just didn't pray hard enough. But prayer changes us.
2 COR 5: 14- 17 For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.
The new which has come lives for Christ and is being continually changed from the old flesh to newness in Christ. God loves and cares for my husband, whether I pray for him or not. But when I pray for him, or pray about anything else for that matter, I live into the newness of Spirit-breathed life and step further away from the old self. My old self can only be worried or angry that David is having a difficult day. In Christ, I am trusting God to take care of him and I can have peace. My old self would add my difficult time with the kids to David's bad day and justify a surly mood and be short tempered with those around me. Through the love of Christ, I can see how patient and gracious God is with me and extend that grace to them.
I'm not saying that prayer doesn't bring about tangible change - Jesus tells us that it does. But deepening our faith, being made more like Him, has far more eternal consequence than the momentary affliction. When we entrust what we love most to the Lord, we can love even more deeply because we leave behind the anxiety and fearfulness from our lack of control and instead love fully in light of His perfect power and sovereignty.
I have a long way to go in learning to trust, but I am so thankful to see the the fruit of faith, one little prayer at a time.
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