If I were missing hope....

I just finished "Till We Have Faces" by CS Lewis and was absolutely blown away. First, this is an amazing piece of literature with a writing style so crisp and clean you can't help but turn every page. (Needless to say, we had take out last night because reading and cooking could not happen at the same time - and I know my priorities!) But more breathtaking and disturbing than the book itself was the review comments online. There were hundreds of reviews, many by non-Christians who were delighted by this work. CS Lewis once said in an interview that this was his favorite piece of fiction that he had ever written and many of the reviewers agreed. They appreciated it's depth and character, the classic literary style and the new twist on an ancient story. They saw characters come to life and felt the pain and joy and love. So why was this so depressing to me? Because this book is a mirror of our hearts without Christ - it is sad and pitiful and empty. It spends a life hurting and at the end, there is no redemption and one has to try to find significance in superficial things.

The heroine of this story, Orual, is followed throughout her life, with several important relationships featured. There is her father, who hates her. Her sister who makes her life miserable. Her nursemaid who makes everyone's life miserable. And then there is her sister who is the other focal point of the story - Orual loves her sister deeply. A love so violent that Orual is prepared to kill her sister in thoughts of protection - and as Orual's life continues, she realizes her love for her sister was so deeply passionate because of her jealousy - Orual admits that she would have rather seen her sister dead than happy without her. Along for the journey is an slave who serves as a grandfather. She is so close to this man and when she has the power to do so, gives him freedom. Yet he doesn't move away but rather chooses to live in continued servitude because he knows Orual is not really capable of living a mentally and emotionally balanced life without him. Finally, there is her guard, Bardia, whom she loves as a woman loves as man, yet he is married and she lives her whole life without ever telling him how she feels. She loves him and can't have him, so she causes him to spend most of his life at her side, rarely giving him opportunity to be with his wife and kids. Upon his death Bardia's wife confronts Orual on her destructive love, which kept Bardia away from his family and worked him to death. This is the first moment that Orual begins to see how destructive her love is to others.

If you haven't read the book - read the book. But I have this warning to you first. This book is a perfect mirror to how we naturally love. We love with dark passion - jealousy, lust, rage. Our love, left to its own devices, is painful to others, because in our own state, we love ourselves more than all else. We love everyone else based on what they can do for us. Yes, we are able to push those feelings away in every day life situations, but when our own happiness or security are threatened, the true nature of our love comes out and it is willing to hurt and kill and destroy. Self preservation triumphs over all.

I can read this book and be amazed by the stunning portrait of life and think, 'thanks be to God who loved me in this state - who died on a cross while I was still His enemy - who loved me the way only He can, filling the deepest desire of everyone's soul - to be loved as we are, even with all our faults and failings.' 

We are all Orual - we know we are flawed and that we would never be loved when seen for who we really are. We all veil our faces hiding our sorrow - making masks and walls to keep our emotions in and everyone else out. We all think we are loving others in our lives, but are crushed by the notion that someone we love might choose someone else above us. This horrible pride and self centered heart lives in each of us before Christ - and makes this story everyone's story. It's sad. There is no answer to the meaning of the pain. There is no resolution to a life of sorrow. In an amazing scene before the gods of the story, Orual asks her questions and realizes there are no answers. There is no hope. Without Christ, reading this story would make me want to drown in the river of my own sorrow (something Orual is prevented from doing even though she wants to). 

Why do all of these non-believers love this book? Because the knowledge of God is within each of us and I think this story awakens their hope inside. The one negative review I saw was a non-believer who couldn't connect with Orual. In her review she says that because Lewis writes the whole thing from Orual's perspective, not being able to connect to Orual means she can't connect to the story at all. Funny because I would guess that she is more like Orual than she knows and has not yet seen the destructive nature of her own flawed love. But to everyone else - I think they saw themselves and were able to hope for more. They were able to imagine being known, being loved, being chosen. They were able to picture a life where you truly belonged and didn't have to measure up anymore. While they would never call it by this name, they were able to imagine the gospel. The Good News. 

This book is call to evangelism if I ever saw one - CS Lewis is shouting - you have the longing of everyone's heart - and giving it away doesn't leave you with less, it just fills them up more. We can give away the love of Christ and never be empty: that stream of living water never runs dry. 

This book has become one of my favorite all time reads - but it remains second to another book - the call to love others and share this hope is clear in both. May God give me the courage to speak the answer to the question few are brave enough to ask. Yes, you are loved.