For RuthAnn

Yesterday, at 4:30pm, a beautiful saint of the Lord joined her heavenly Father. My aunt RuthAnn completed her battle with leukemia, which had been going on for over 15 years, and left to her true home in heaven. While in the hospital, during her last days, her greatest desire was to be home and now she eternally is home with Jesus, her first love.
Ruth leaves behind a large number of people mourning her passing, as she brought great light into the lives of those around her and yet we celebrate her reunion with the Lord, whom she faithfully served her whole life. My last several days of bible study have been preparing me for dealing withe the passing of another beloved daughter of Christ, having spent much of my time studying Hebrews 11 and 12, the Psalms and 1 Corinthians 13.

There is a hymn "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" which reads:

O soul, are you weary and troubled? No light in the darkness you see?
There’s a light for a look at the Savior, And life more abundant and free!

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,In the light of His glory and grace.

Through death into life everlasting He passed, and we follow Him there;
Over us sin no more hath dominion—For more than conquerors we are!

The words were inspired by Hebrews 12:1-3, where after spending all of chapter 11 reading about great faith in those saints who have gone before us, we are called to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, so we do not grow weary and lose heart. But this song also hearkens to another amazing promise of scripture found in 1 Corinthians 13:12. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known."

Add this to Psalm 12:5-7 "Because of the devastation of the afflicted, because of the groaning of the needy, now I will arise, says the Lord. The words of the Lord are pure words; as silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined 7 times. You O Lord will keep them; You will preserve him from this generation forever."

We are all one day closer to our own passing, whether we have a serious illness that calls that reality to the forefront of our minds, or we live each day in denial of the truth that God alone knows the number of days ordained for our life. We will get every day He intends for us to have, but not a minute more. And when this death comes, for those who call Jesus Christ their Savior and Lord, the true life begins. No longer tied to a dying shell, decaying day by day. No longer surrounded inside and out by the sins of a fallen world. No longer looking dimly towards glory, getting small glances of the Lord we worship.

No - the new life, life eternal, is one that we will know God, seeing Him face to face, living in the light of His glory. This life of affliction and the weight of the needy is not outside of God's redeeming grace. 

I spent some time reflecting last night on the woman RuthAnn was, during her time here on earth. She was such a picture of the light of God's love living through His faithful servant. Her joy (which was never dampened by the deadly disease swimming through her blood) radiated through her in a way which truly gave her a glowing personality. That expression is often used on vivacious, extroverted people. Yet RuthAnn had a quiet radiance, where you felt heard, loved and accepted. You wanted to be near her, because of the warmth that radiated from her. A warm smile. A genuine laugh and love of life. An attitude of graciousness and thanksgiving for each moment God had given her - seeing her daughter, and granddaughter and great-grandson continue in the faith.

What does a true life of faith look like? It looks like a woman whose reality should have been crushing and despairing - spending years asking why me or complaining about the constant illness and pain. But a life of faith is so centered on Christ, that the shadow of sin and death had no place in her. This life does not come from her own strength. Leukemia weakens the body daily, until there is no longer strength to live. But RuthAnn's strength came from our eternal Savior. He has already conquered sin and death and hell. Her "battle" against cancer was won before it began - because her heart was already held in the hands of the One that had saved her.

That passage in 1 Cor 13:12 which reads "now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just I have been fully known", I believe refers to two types of knowledge. Obviously, we will know Jesus in a whole new way. 1 John 3:2 says "Beloved, now we are children of God, and it has not yet appeared as yet what we will be. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him, because we will see Him just as He is." Both of these passages speak to a fascinating truth. Not only will we know the Lord better, as we see Him face to face, but we will know ourselves better too. We will see what we were meant to be. 

Psalm 139:16 says "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them."

God created us, He ordained our days, our purpose and His design was to recreate us in His image - not just as we are here on earth, but remade like Him. We don't know our true potential. We don't know all God made us to be. We live seeing things in hindsight, perpetually amazed by what God has done in and through us. We are all like King David, saying "Who am I God, and what is my house that You have brought me this far?" (2 Sam 7:18) But we can only see ourselves in this life, with the baggage from our past, our daily failures and shortcomings and our worlds surrounded by sin and death. We daily decay. Yet God doesn't see us this way. God sees the beloved son and daughter whom He is calling home, to eternally live in the light of His glory and grace. As we turn our eyes towards Jesus, we leave behind those encumbrances of this life and see glimpses of the potential that comes from living with the Holy Spirit, making us new day by day. Our mortal shell gets closer to death and yet simultaneously an eternal life is ever approaching. 

RuthAnn now knows her Jesus in a way she never knew before. And she now sees herself, free from cancer, free from sin, free from death and into life. O glorious day!

Unashamed

Unashamed: not ashamed, being without guilt, self consciousness or doubt (Merriam-Webster, online dictionary)

I've been hanging out in Hebrews 11 for weeks now, because I simply can't leave it. It's been speaking to me in such sweet tones that anytime I even consider plowing through the chapter to move on, I slow down to a crawl and meditate on these familiar words. I read the passage, a section at a time, mouthing each word as I read and writing them down in my journal. There is a compelling picture of faith of our forefathers that won't let go. The hymn "Faith of our Fathers" begins, "Faith of our fathers living still, in spite of dungeon, fire and sword. Oh how our hearts beat high with joy, when e'er we hear that glorious Word!". It's true - our hearts are filled with joy when we read of these stories of faith. 

My all-time favorite movie is the Two Towers (love the book as well, of course!) and my favorite scene is toward the end with SamWise Gamgee talking to Frodo about the quest they are one. He says, "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something."

There is something about the story of these heroes of the faith that "died in faith, without receiving the promises" (Heb 11:13a) that keeps us reading. The hymn above echos Hebrews 11:37-38 which reads "They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground." We read these words and we know what they were holding on to - the Lord. Their faith in the Lord kept them firm in spite of all of their trials, "having confessed they were strangers and exiles on the earth" (Heb 11:13c). They viewed themselves as travelers, passing through the world on their way home to a lasting city that God was preparing. And God's response to their faith is beautiful: "Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God" (Heb 11:16b)

God, Creator of heaven and earth, is not ashamed to call us His own. Psalm 149:4 says "For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation." These destitute, desert-wandering, cave-dwelling outcasts of this world are beautified in salvation through Christ. Isaiah 61:10 says "I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, my soul will exult in my God; for He has clothed me with garments of salvation, He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself with a garland, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." These who seemed to have the least in this world are wrapped in a robe of righteousness by Christ. He is not ashamed of us. But how often are we ashamed of Him? How often, do we, like Peter, deny our following Him? How often do we stay quiet, politically correct or even take credit for His work in our lives? 

Hosea paints a terrible picture of the fall of God's chosen people of Israel, that I think is just as dangerous for today's Christian, especially here in the materialistic culture that glorifies the "self-made-man". Hosea 13:4-6 reads, "Yet I have been the Lord your God since the land of Egypt; and you were not to know any god except Me. For there is no savior besides Me. I cared for you in the wilderness, in the land of drought. As they had their pasture, they became satisfied. And being satisfied, their heart became proud; therefore they forgot Me." If this doesn't terrify you, I don't know what will, because this terrifies me. We live in a nation where comfort is king and living a life that makes you happy is considered success. Missionaries from other nations are coming to America, to witness to this culture that has watered life down to money, stuff and the path of least resistance. Close to 17% of American's don't affiliate themselves with any faith (or agnostic or atheist). A number that is doubled what research found a few years ago. People don't label themselves because the see it as being irrelevant to their lives. They don't have particularly strong feelings about faith or God or religion because is simply doesn't impact them at all. Having the boldness to say out loud, "I am a follower of Christ" is extremely counter cultural, because we live in a culture that says you shouldn't follow anything except your current impulse. You should only do whatever makes you happy in this moment. As a culture we have become satisfied and proud and have forgotten God. 

In today's world we are losing the stories of old where people counted themselves as strangers to the world, traveling whatever road Christ called them to, considering themselves the momentary affliction of this world, t pale in comparison to the eternal weight of glory. (2 Cor 4:17)  We live in a land of pride, that wants to glorify man, where God calls us to humble ourselves, that He may glorify us at the appointed time. (1 Pet 5:6) 

It's the little things, isn't it, that get us day to day. The moments we wonder what someone else will think if we choose to follow God's will or we glorify His name instead of our own. It's the daily process of dying to ourselves, that He might live more in us, that allows us to live unashamed. Without doubt and certainly not self-conscious. Does anyone else feel like everyone in the room gets quiet when you pray before your meal in the lunchroom? Does anyone else fail to mention how God directs our steps, instead of careful or logical decision making? Does anyone else tone down there excitement in secular settings when you feel God moving in your life, but shout it from the rooftops at your church? Does anyone else have two patterns of speech? (Like saying at church "The Lord really blessed me in....", whereas at work you say "I was really lucky when....") 

It's the little ways we deny Him that give me pause this morning. In Acts 7, Stephen wasn't martyred until after his sermon. It was his sharing the faith that led to the persecution. If he had just stayed quiet, he might have returned home that evening to his family or friends. But instead, he spoke, full of the Spirit, unashamed. And he returned to his true home, his heavenly home, welcomed by his Heavenly Father. Quietly blending in and passing through this world, as a citizen of this time and this place, may seem like the path of least resistance. But it will not bring glory to God. Singing His praise. Living for His kingdom. Following His will. It may seem strange to the world around us, but then again, we are strangers to this world. We journey homeward, to our Heavenly Father, who welcome us as His own. I want to live a life that captivates an audience - that has them asking "why" and "how" and "can I come too". I want to live a life that glorifies His name. Let me be forgotten - remember instead His work in and through me.

The Storyteller

God has long wanted us to see His great love for us. Scripture, His holy word, is the primary way we learn about Him, as the Holy Spirit stirs in us to not just read His word, but be deeply convicted, encouraged, and learn more about who He is and what He has done. This past weekend, I was re-convicted on my need to be surrounding myself in the Word throughout my day and in as many forms as possible. I should be reading it, memorizing it, quoting it, listening to it, singing it and sharing it with others. In fact, there are a lot more verses about being vocal in our worship, than their are about being "quiet", despite the popular name for personal bible studying being called a "quiet time". "Sing", "shout" and "rejoice" are used 347 times in scripture, while "quiet" and "still" are only used 32 times in all of scripture in reference to our posture before God. I'm not saying that we don't need time of quiet and stillness before the Lord. In our day and age of constant communication and distraction, I think we need it now more than ever. But living out our worship of God is something that calls us to rejoice and overflow with our love for the Lord in a way that entices others to see why there is a fire inside of us. There is a great old hymn, "I Love to Tell the Story", that beautifully walks through our desire to tell the story to ourselves, to those who haven't heard and to rejoice in it with other believers. The refrain points to heaven, where we spend eternity praising God for His greatness. Read these lyrics below and think about how that would look in our day to day lives.


I love to tell the story of unseen things above, of Jesus and his glory, of Jesus and his love. I love to tell the story, because I know 'tis true; it satisfies my longings as nothing else can do.  

I love to tell the story; more wonderful it seems, than all ,the golden fancies, of all our golden dreams. I love to tell the story, it did so much for me; and that is just the reason I tell it now to thee.  

I love to tell the story;'tis pleasant to repeat, what seems, each time I tell it, more wonderfully sweet.  I love to tell the story, for some have never heard the message of salvation from God's own holy Word.  

I love to tell the story, for those who know it best seem hungering and thirsting to hear it like the rest.  And when, in scenes of glory, I sing the new, new song, 'twill be the old, old story that I have loved so long.

Refrain: I love to tell the story. Twill be my theme in glory. To tell the old, old story of Jesus and His love.

Yesterday in my quiet time in Hosea, Psalms and Hebrews, I saw an amazing story form. I started in Hosea 2, where God describes how Israel has been a harlot, pursuing other things and other gods. The people of God were more enticed by what they could see, and touch, and hold, than the glory of God that had led them out of Egypt, through the wilderness and into the promise land. The book is written right before they go into captivity, at one of the lowest points in Israel's history, where they have been warned again and again but  continue to worship idols and live like the pagan people around them. Psalm 132 is a Psalm of Ascents - the author calling to the Lord to be faithful to the covenant promise He made to David. But as we read in Hebrews 7 and 8, Israel was not faithful to the Lord. We couldn't keep the covenant on our own. It failed, not because of God letting us go, but rather because of our running away from Him.

But the story continues in a way that no one would ever imagine. God sees us for who we really are - stained with sin and guilt - and promises a new solution. Later in Hosea 2, God promises His people (and even the people outside of the nation of Israel) a new covenant where we are His bride. He comes to us in compassion and eternal lovingkindess and brings us to Himself. How??? How can this be??? Only through the blood of Christ. The promise to David was not to be fulfilled by our obedience, but by Christ's perfect life and sacrificial death. Christ is the only answer. He pursues us at infinite cost to Himself and makes us His own. It truly is amazing grace. The great hymn "And Can it Be" says "And can it be, that I should gain an interest in my Saviors blood. Died He for me, who caused His pain, for me, who Him to death pursued. Amazing love, how can it be, that Thou my God, shouldst die for me"

We ran from Him. And when He came to earth, we called for His death. But He pursued us; through death and hell, He pursued us. There is no greater story. Learn it. Live it. Share it with the world.

The non-anniversary and fear

Today is September 14th and should mark the last day of my grandmother's cancer treatment. Instead, we are eight weeks into the process and only have four weeks of treatment completed. Three weeks ago Tuesday, Nana was moved to the hospital with a fever and seemingly perpetual vomiting. We have since found out she had a large ulcer just below her stomach that I am sure was inflaming the vomiting. The lack of nutrition and strength remains a factor that made what we thought would be a quick hospital trip into nearly a month of delays, questions, downward spirals and small improvements. She is now at Kindred, a beautiful rehab facility, stable but silent and Monday we will speak to the oncologist to find out next steps.

September 14th was a date we were counting down to and it looks very different than we ever imagined. It is hard not to feel defeated in a small way. It is harder still to ignore the reality that we are not in charge and this process will not submit to our schedule and preconceived ideas. 

For me, there is a difficulty where my faith is being tested and tried and I find myself lacking. 1 John 4:18 says "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love."  Why am I fearful of the future if I am being perfected in love? Why do I associated difficulty with punishment, like Job's friends, instead of knowing that God is perfecting my faith? "And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:4) 

Last night Mom and I were on the phone, talking about the very real difficulty we experience processing this stage of our lives. We are so limited in our perspective and cannot yet see how God is using this to our good and for His glory. But His nature, eternal and unchanging, means that He has already gone before us, is on the other side, and walks each step beside us in His perfect love. Our minds cannot comprehend how He is truly timeless and limitless, but I have seen it in these past 3 months. From the very first trip to the hospital till our non-anniversary today, I have seen how God is personally comforting, encouraging, growing and meeting all of our individual needs in a very personal way. Yet, He remains over all things, Creator and upholding all things by the word of His power. (Hebrews 1:3) I cannot comprehend this infinite and personal God, as in my own tiny sphere, I have lost track of areas of my life, lost contact with friends and felt pulled in so many different directions. If I can't keep my little piece of the world turning, how can God keep all of our lives so perfectly in His hand? I don't know how He does it - but I am absolutely confident that He is actively doing it - with the power of the Almighty Creator and the love of our Eternal Father. 

September 14th will not mark the end of Nana's cancer treatment. But it is another day the Lord has given us all to experience His sufficiency. It is another day to choose to believe Him instead of the lies in my head and heart. It is another day to cast of fear and be surrounded by His love. 

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. (Psalm 118:24)

Musings

I haven't been writing as much here lately because I have been focusing much of my time on my grandmother's Caringbridge blog. I don't mind writing the other blog at all, but I have some musings in my head that just feel like they need to get out.
Much of my thoughts have been circling around core lies and their impact. I find that somehow we have adopted lies that have such a great hold on our hearts and minds that we no longer hear them as lies, but rather as truth. For example, the other day I was driving around with my children and in a very odd turn of events, the boys decide they no longer want treats except on special occasions. This decision is quick and easy and seemingly firm, as they decide I don't need to buy them dessert for their lunches that week. My first reaction is amazement. Not because the 8 year old twins don't want treats, but because I have wrestled with my own self control issues involving treats my whole life and my boys make it seem so easy. I have a core lie that I wrestle with food. I've done all sorts of diets, read a wonderful book Made to Crave and spoken about this issue with doctors friends and counselors. I believe I have an issue with food. But this is a lie. Food is an inanimate object with no power. It can't talk to me, no matter how many times I've said "chocolate calls out my name" and it has no authority over my life. Core lie.
Another core lie can deal with your appearance, relationships, personal flaws and they give us excuses not to try. For example, if one of my core lies deals with my pride, it is now something out of my control. It becomes my identity. "I wrestle with pride." Now, I have an excuse for any time I am proud. "Well, no surprise there. I do wrestle with pride." I am no longer responsible for the sin but instead have characterized myself with something that is unchangeable till Christ returns.
We are fallen people in a fallen world. There are sins we will wrestle with until we die. But what does Paul say when he talks about his "thorn in his flesh"? He says that through this, he knows Christ is sufficient. He is strong in the Lord, not in himself. (2 Corinthians 12) The point is not to be perfect, but rather to trust in God's strength. He is the one who is perfecting us. Paul also talks about disciplining himself to continually strive to be like Christ. In 1 Corinthians 9, Paul states that he does all things for the glory of God. When Jesus intercedes for the prostitute, He sends the Pharisees away saying that he who is without sin should throw the first stone in John chapter 8. But then He also tells her "go and sin no more". He gives her freedom from condemnation, but also tells her not to sin. At the end of the chapter, He explains to the disciples that anyone who sins is a slave to sin, but He is the truth and once you have the Truth, you are free.
You may not feel like a slave to sin, but there is a place in all of us where we are slaves to our own experiences, a history of failures, rejections and feeling like we are less than what we should be. We hear lies so clearly they become truth and we excuse our behavior and attitudes, comfortable in our familiar sins. But if we hear His voice, if we hear His truth, we are able to move past what we were and truly be free.
My grandmother is sick, but should recover. People who speak to her have this sense that she has given up and that if she truly believes she is going to die, her life may end, even though medically it could have been healed. Is that any different than my lies about self image, pride, or past relationships? Is that any different than if the prostitute, being saved by Jesus, returned to her life of sin?
Jesus wants to be our strength in our weakness but He also wants us to be more like him. He loves us too much to leave us as we are. Are we too stubborn to be like Him?

Tired of boxes?

I was listening to this great song by Brit Nicole "Ready or Not" that talks about letting our light shine. She says "you want to fit it in your box" but instead she is going to show you where the light comes from because "this is who I am and I won't hide it".

Lecrea adds to the song by saying the light is "everything I am, it's the source of my hope and the reason why I stand". This idea is extremely biblical, in stating that the our light is from God, who is our identity and that the light is meant to shine. Jesus says in Luke 8 that a lamp is meant to be on a lamp stand for all to see. In John 8 Jesus calls Himself the light of the world and in Matthew 5 calls the disciples the light of the world, with the purpose of bringing glory to the Father through their good works.

This has me thinking a lot about identity. People can be identified by their tax bracket, their title at work, their political affiliation or other popular categories. These divisions allow us to identify ourselves with characteristics, behaviors, attitudes and actions. They can also label people to cause stereotypes and bias - like poor, disabled, or racial or religious slurs.

They can become very personal too - aspects of our lives that place us in boxes and become defining characteristics if we let them. My son has Aspergers. My grandmother has cancer. These are boxes that bring immediate associations in people's minds about what life means for them. If we let ourselves, we can become confined by these labels and let them put us in a box. Worse yet, we can start finding safety in our boxes, because they feel familiar or we feel accepted in the box.

God is very specific on our identity. He has a name for us too - we are His. His love, His children, His people. Scripture describes us so many ways, showing God's love, mercy and desire that we would be identified as His. His light cannot be confined to a box as it is part of His character, infinite, eternal and unchangeable.

The Pharisee's were all about boxes too. In Matthew, Jesus calls them hypocrites, white washed tombs, clean and righteous looking but full of death, sin and decay (Matt 23). How often does our desire to fit in or be liked or not make waves do we put ourselves into the box God never intended. Or how about our past, our insecurities or our doubt? Do we let the lies in our heads box us in?

Jesus says to us "In the world you will have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world". (John 16:33) Oh our gracious Savior! He knows the world is hard and He knows our need for courage. He doesn't pretend everything will be easy or that we will be loved by the world. He says in John 17 that the world will hate us. He knows, better than we do, just how great our challenge will be, but He sweetly says to be of good courage. He is the hope.

If we have managed to hide our light and have succumbed to our fear, or past or pain, then we have forgotten who we are. There is no box big enough to contain the love that lives in you through Jesus Christ. Show the world where the light comes from!

Redemption and other gifts I've rejected

For the Precepts course I am teaching this summer, we are on the last week of study, chapters 25-27. In chapter 25, we come to one of the most amazing ideas I think God has ever tried to give His people. A year of jubilee. This celebration, every 50 years was meant to act like a "reset" button on people's lives. In addition to giving the land a rest and enjoying the bountiful provision of God, people returned to the land of their inheritance, even if their fathers/brothers/etc had squandered or lost rights through bad decisions leading to difficult financial circumstances. Jubilee, the land revert back to the owners God had chosen and people had a fresh start.

While this idea alone (which historically was never practiced as God intended) is radical and amazing, God goes further. He brings in the idea of redemption. People who have gotten to such a bad place that the land is gone or they've sold themselves as hired hands and slaves now had a way to be redeemed. A family member could buy them back - redeem them. Or they could buy themselves back. The Jubilee reset the order of the nation to what God's plan had been. Freedom for His people in the land He had given them, with the blessing of an inheritance. God is providing for His people - knowing that things will happen in this fallen world that undo His extension of grace - so He creates a way to restore order.

Now, as 21st century people, when we hear the word "redeemed" in the church, we immediately think of Christ and His work on the cross. We are told all throughout the New Testament that Jesus redeemed us through His blood. (See Galatians 3:13, 4:5; Titus 2:14; 1 Peter 1:18; Revelation 5:9) Salvation, is acknowledgement of our inability to be right with God and relying on Christ's sacrifice alone. Redemption, is an acknowledgement of our spiritual poverty and the acceptance of Christ's payment on our behalf. He is our kinsman who paid the price we cannot afford to bring us back to the order God intended for us all.

But we don't like free gifts. We don't like admitting our need or poverty. Our pride causes us to keep trying to earn our salvation. When we fail to live in God's grace and instead try to work for our salvation, we deny His work on the cross, reject His prefect provision and say "I will do it myself."We, in our poverty, put the weight of our debt back on our shoulders when we reject His payment on our behalf.

Redemption, to our proud and hardened hearts, is so difficult to accept. We have to admit our failure, our poverty and our inability to provide for ourselves. People can stop here actually, and live a devestated life of wallowing in sin and rejection. They can boast in their weakness and reject assistance, feeding on anger and resentment and spite.
Our kids, just lately introduced to Star Wars, have recently heard the famous line "your hate has made you powerful", for the first time. Darth Vador tries to convince Luke that the hate and anger he feels (and the adrenaline associated with it) are good because of the power it gave him. Maybe he was stronger than he would have been without the rage and emotion coursing through his veins. But that still means we are relying on our own strength.
As believers, we aren't called be strong (good or bad) on our own. None of the scriptures ever put the weight of success on us. Rather, we see "but the fruit of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience..." (Gal 5:22-23). "May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace..." (Romans 5:13) "But He said to me, My grace is sufficient..."(2 Cor 12:9).
We are called to rely on Him, our Redeemer, our Savior and our God. We are called to accept our emptiness while being filled with His Spirit. We aren't called to be strong nor or we expected to stay weak. We are called to be His.

Turn Your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.